I am really struggling at the moment with a severely anxious client.  We have done two excellent hypnotherapy sessions, with counselling in between, but he seems to be deteriorating rather than improving. 

He came initially with a fear of flying but it was almost immediately evident that this was a symptom of a much deeper seated anxiety.  He has had very difficult childhood experiences which are clearly now playing a part in his current terrified and anxious state.  He has stepped back from a very stressful job, but his system has been on 24 hour alert for so long, that it seems to have set itself to hyper vigilance and so far we have not managed to turn it down or off.  He is finding it almost impossible to enjoy the moment and is completely submerged in pointless and unfounded worries about the future. 

As is so often the case with such patients, it is only when their lives take a turn for the better and they have an opportunity to relax and enjoy life, that the anxieties surface.  It seems the body and mind get so used to being on watch 24 / 7 that they just cannot stand down and relax.

Fortunately his GP has been sensible and sympathetic and I am sure we will win through in the end.  I did feel some very valuable work was done in our last session that will have a benefit in the coming days.  Fingers crossed, at least.  He is such a very likely young man it makes me wish I really did have a magic wand in my toolbox to cure him instantly instead of going through the long and very, very painful process with him.

I am not a collector.  I don't think I have ever had a collection of anything in my life.  If you collect, you are ultimately exploited by the providers of the collectibles, it seems to me.  I do sometimes like to bring home something from a trip - an ornament, a picture, maybe just a pebble or shell to remind me - maybe that too is a form of collecting. 

I am a wanderer, a voyager, a butterfly, a "fly by the seat of my pants" type of person.  I react and create.  I have faith and intuition.  These reflections are in response to an article I have just read in The Garden magazine about foxgloves. I love foxgloves.  I played with them a a child, making thimbles and dolls cups, and came to no harm. We have wild ones in the garden now which pop up every year in different places, dappled pink and beautiful.  I wonder why one would want to collect dozens of different adaptations when there is so much to enjoy about the original.

Clients say my home is a haven of peace.  It is peaceful.  It is also wild, structured and calm.  Lots of contradictions perhaps, but for me the perfect place.  I have lived in this house now for longer than I have ever lived anywhere in my whole life - 18 years in July.  And whilst I used to enjoy settling in and adapting each new place, staying in one place has enabled me to develop it into somewhere where I can be completely relaxed and at peace with myself. 

A few years ago I was constantly making a statement about me, about my life, my achievements.  Now I am relaxed and content within myself and I hope I provide a peaceful, safe place for clients to find their own way to relax and resolve their problems.

Came back from the US completely chilled but it didn’t take long for life to kick back in. A couple of nights of poor sleep, piles of washing and another suitcase to pack and unpack.... maybe two short trips away were not a good idea right after crossing the Atlantic!

A great session of hypnotherapy with a willing and responsive client can be even more relaxing than a holiday, though, and that’s what I had today. Client so deep and so amazed at the feeling of comfort and relaxation that deep trance induces. As one of two clients have said to me recently, “You could bottle that”. Well, maybe not bottle it, but I can produce an individually tailored CD following a session to maintain the feeling of wellbeing and relaxation.

Treated a lovely young girl this afternoon for trichotillomania (hair pulling). Such a welcome relief after a week of last minute cancellations and difficult problems. So good to hear from two other clients from way back that just one hypnotherapy session each had dispelled frightening, nightly nightmares and alleviated cystitis. Feedback, good or bad, is often difficult to come by - if clients feel better, they tend to forget they had a problem in the first place! All set up now for a relaxing weekend and ready face next week's challenges......

I've lost my hairbrush - you know, the little round one with the red handle. I had it in my hand and then my mobile rang. I answered the call, made another one and now I can't find my hairbrush anywhere. I have retraced my steps a dozen times, looked in its original place - it has truly disappeared completely.
I have had to dry my hair with my stying brush and it was too dry anyway and now its all fly away and fluffy and will remain so the whole day.
I feel quite discombobulated! Happy Thursday! Excuse me while I go and have another search. After all, it MUST be here somewhere! Although they were talking about aliens earlier on BBC Radio 4....... I wonder?

A lovely card in the post today from a recent client: "Thank you for your support. During those darkest weeks you were a real lifeline".

The words reminded me that very often it is enough just to be there and to listen, particularly perhaps when a client comes with what seems like an overwhelming problem and I feel almost as helpless as they do. At times like that it really doesn't matter what counselling school you are trained in or what approach you favour, the therapeutic relationship - creating empathy - is everything and enough for that moment. It is only necessary to be there and to contain the client ... and to continue that support from session to session for as long as it's needed.

I know that I often feel I have failed if the client doesn't seem to have got better, moved on, recovered. So it is good to be reminded that just being there can often be enough.

About this time last year I treated a client who wanted hypnotherapy to stop smoking. The dominant part of his habit was feeling compelled to smoke as soon as he sat down at his computer to work. He has just sent me the following wonderful testimonial.

"Hello Jose,

I came to see you about a year ago. I’m pleased to report that after a year and one week of quitting smoking I’m still smoke-free. I’ve not lapsed at all and now feel 85% “recovered.”

Although I can’t say for certain how much my session with you helped, I did have quite a vivid recollection of starting at the age of 19 and I held on to your suggestion that I now had a second chance to tell myself I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it back then although I gave in under pressure.

Strangely for me I found I had an actual aversion to smoking at my work desk (I remember you focussed on that because I told you I’d rather quit working than risk starting to smoke again).

Samih, the Tunisian chap who came to your place with his wife, did seem to quit but is now on about 3 a day. He’ll have another bash at it soon.

I’ve saved over £5,000, which I think I owe at least in part to you.

Please feel free to use what I’ve written here to promote your service. Even Samih’s 3-a-day habit is much less than before and I think he'll be back to zero again soon.

All the best, Jeff."

Nothing more to say except: Thank you, Jeff, for your fantastic testimonial and for giving me permission to use it word for word.

Accentuate the positive!
I have seen two clients this week who were both completely mired in negativity. They could have spent the whole session telling me what they didn’t want or what was bad about their life or situation.
My role, I believe, is to enable people to discover what they DO want. To get a sense, a picture, a vision if you like of what a good future will look like and to focus on that, developing the idea and expanding it wider and wider, adding detail all the time.
There was never truer expression than, “What we resist, persists”.
So next time you hear yourself saying, “I hate my job/partner/family situation”, ask yourself what your ideal life would look like - what do you love and where do you want to be - and focus on that. You’ll be surprised how empowering an exercise it can be.

Awoke on Saturday morning to a faint glimmer of light through the closed curtains and the sound of distant gunfire as the French hunters decimate the wildlife on the Marais du Cotentin! A persistent buzzing emanates from the rafters - a large insect trapped in a small space - let's hope it stays there.

We have come to the Mud Hut on this occasion principally to wage war on the Cluster flies , which have been a real nuisance this year. Having suffered a literal plague in April and October, we researched on the Internet (www.the-piedpiper.co.uk/th6e.htm) and found that they lay their eggs in the bodies of earthworms but roost or overwinter in loft areas or walls. We have always noticed a few flies in the Spring and Autumn but this year they must have invited all their families and friends to share our roof space!

We came armed with a powerful insecticide "bomb" which we set off in the morning and quickly left to work for 3 hours while we vacated the premises. We seem to have caught quite a few flies and will be leaving a milder (and safer) insecticide spray going at intervals for a few weeks to hopefully finish the job. We will also leave bunches of rosemary and bowls of lavender as apparently strong smelling herbs act as a repellent and discourage the flies from entering in the first place.

Sadly we seem to have caused the death of a variety of spiders and other harmless insects: lacewings, a ladybird, a very large wasp and a few moths and shield bugs, which must have also been innocently sheltering in our mud walls and boarded rafters.

Sunday was a beautiful day and we took time off from painting the now not so new shower room to wander over the Marais de Sangsuriere, which we had not explored before. We watched a flock of starlings wheeling and diving in a black cloud, constantly changing shape, and a few sandpipers rose in the air as we walked. The marsh near our house is already flooded, reflecting a blue, blue sky and piles of fluffy white clouds in its icy waters. Beautiful, peaceful, relaxing and restorative.

I have been thinking this week a lot about friendships. I am an only child and was kept quite isolated when I was young, only being allowed to mix with children of my parents' friends. I remember this as a really distressing experience, as they knew each other and went to school together and I was a complete outsider.

When I was 9 we moved from Devon to Surrey and I had great trouble making friends at school. Looking back I now see that I really wanted to have one special friend, rather than a group and when I did find a friend, I found it very difficult to share her with others.

This actually carried on throughout my life and up until about two years ago I would have numbered the people I considered my friends on the fingers of one hand. I found it very difficult to share friends with others and also it was hard to be with two special people at the same time - my partner and my best friend, for example. I know years ago I just could not juggle the demands of my father and my then husband.

Recently though I have had a revelation. I am suddenly learning (and I really don't know why or how this change has come about) that I actually have many friends, or certainly people who consider me their friend and whom I am now very happy to call my friends. I have met them through may different activities: sport, work, volunteering, networking and by taking part in my partner's hobbies. I am suddenly finding getting to know people interesting and fun and have never felt so supported and loved... and I am a much happier and more relaxed person as a result. a win - win revelation, you might say.

So, my message, it is important to be aware of other's love and appreciation of you and to value them as special people in your life.

I've recently been reminded that it's so easy to slip into patterns of behaviour without even noticing until, one day months or even years down the line, we find ourselves in a place we definitely don't want to be with no idea how we got there. A very frightening experience and one that demands courage and determination to change.

We often blame those around us for where we end up - partner, children, boss or friends - but the reality is we ourselves are to blame and the first step towards getting back the life we really want is to recognise this. I always tell clients who grumble about or blame others in their life for their situation, that in my therapy room we cannot change another person, however much we moan about them. The solution lies within ourselves and what we can change is the way we react to those irritating or destructive others. If we no longer allow them to push our buttons, then there will be no pay off for them in attempting to wind us up or put us down. Likewise, if we forge ahead doing everything the moment it seems to need doing, jumping in and taking control of every situation, then others never have a chance to help - or to shine.

When we decide to take a back seat at least some of the time and allow others to develop and show their skills, everyone will be happier and we will have more time to take care of ourselves and enjoy some of the fun and replenishing activities we haven't had time for for quite a while.

Ask yourself if this is you. If it is, then acknowledge what changes you need to make to take care of yourself as well as those around you.

Technology - doesn't it drive you mad! I have a beautiful new computer (64 bit apparently). I am very, very pleased with it - Windows 7 and all that - but annoyingly it won't allow my Blackberry to sync with my Outlook. As I am booking in clients from week to week, it get quite paranoid about losing my phone, dropping it into the dishwasher or slamming it in the car door, and losing all my contacts and appointments. Then I had the brilliant idea of syncing to an on line calendar ..... and I did! Grateful thanks to Philip of www.zuuMedia.com who was kind and patient to give me advice on how to do this. Philip's company, zuuMedia.com, provides technical support remotely to small and medium size businesses for a very reasonable monthly fee and I can certainly recommend him.

Last week I received a wonderful testimonial from a client who came to see me recently to lose weight. I find that there is almost always other work to be done before any intervention to lose weight can be successful. Sometimes just listening is all that is needed. At other times a gentle hypnotherapy intervention where the client can explore his or her own emotions and reconcile them will need to be done first. Here are my client's comments:

Well you said its not magic but I'm beginning to wonder!! I feel really great and I've not eaten a single piece of chocolate or cake since we met. I did the dreaded deed and bought myself a weighing scales last Saturday. it was difficult for me but I faced the truth and I've lost 4 pounds just this week. I have that marvellous sensation that something is happening after all these years. My colleagues are amazed because a large amount of chocolate comes through our office. Its not even as if I'm trying to resist the temptation, I'm just not interested.

A really lovely outcome for a really lovely lady who was so willing to work and to bring about change within herself!

Last night I attended a fashion show put on my four young students from a local comprehensive school. In October 2007 two of the present team set up a Young Enterprise company within the school to produce custom clothing for initially friends and later teams and local businesses. I was one of the two YE volunteer business advisers who helped them get off the ground. The company had a managing director and a creative director but struggled initially to get others to commit to managerial roles. They now have a team of four working well together.

Last night was a triumph. The company has gone from strength and a selection of the orders they have recently received were modelled. The show was in aid of cancer research and was attended by about 200 people.

I have also been involved with another school locally where all the students I encountered we polite, interesting and talented. Surrey Chambers of Commerce have set up a Young Chamber in this school and it is working well.

As a counsellor I also see a proportion of young people ranging in age from 5 to early twenties. Again, although they come with difficult issues which are troubling them, they are without exception excellent young people with very special talents and a desire to overcome their problems and succeed in life.

We are so ready in Britain to put down our young people and complain about them. We never read about the clever and successful ones in the newspapers or hear them on radio or TV. Obviously bad kids are good news in that they sell papers and attract viewers and listeners. So I would like to raise a rousing cheer for all those young people out there who are doing a wonderful job and who are our future.

The sun is fading along with our tans and the season of “mists and mellow fruitfulness” is upon us. Actually I really love autumn –the smells, the colours, those gossamer floating cobwebs that brush your face in the mornings and, of course, the fruits. And it seems that this year there really is an abundance of fruits. I have already made green tomato chutney and plum jam and now have a huge bag of pears to turn into some kind of preserve. At the moment I have not quite decided what. The resident blackbird is attacking the Pyracantha berries with gusto and the blue tits seem to have found something delicious to eat amongst the silver birch twigs. I hope supplies last through the winter!

The cooler, shorter days never seem so hard to adjust to when they follow a wonderful summer like this one. Apart from the lovely weather we enjoyed in England, we also deviated from our normal routine and spent two weeks in Provence in August, a 40th birthday party with extended family from all corners of the world. Given the complications of our family situation, the potential for disaster was enormous but everything went swimmingly, literally, as much time was spent in and around the pool and on a marathon canoe trip down the River Drome. Well done Sam (12) for finishing up front with the leaders and also to Judith who completed it single handed despite her disability.) The weather was beautiful every day and the trips down and back by car also very enjoyable. We stayed in a wonderful hotel at Meaulne near Bourges where the food was exquisite and the atmosphere welcoming and comfortable. I do love travelling through France, although sadly we missed the sunflower and lavender season.

Sadly too, my older daughter could not join us from America but we all toasted her and talked about her so I hope she felt included and loved.

There was quite a dearth of clients during August but with the advent of September, numbers are building again as people return from their holidays back to the same old problems and same old routine. Prior to the holiday I was dealing with some challenging issues with clients: affaires and divorce, mental abuse and bullying at work. These latter two can all be as damaging if not more than physical abuse, as the injuries do not show on the outside, and I do encourage anyone being treated badly in any way to seek help quickly before the abuser really gets the upper hand, saps you will and confidence and renders you powerless. It happens so subtly. Be on your guard.

A client asked me today if she could use the F word. Of course you can, I replied. Sometimes the F word is the only f*>x%?g word that will do, isn't it? Let it go. Express it. Believe me, in my therapy room there are no words I haven't heard. Express yourself in safety in whatever what you need to.

Two amazing clients today, living with experiences which are almost unimaginable. One has reminded me that abuse takes many different forms. It cannot always be detected by bruises on the outside. Psychological abuse shows no outward signs but can be equally if not more damaging. It works in the same way, leading the abused person to lose all belief in themselves, their self worth and likability.
If you are being abused or know someone who you suspect is the victim of either physical domestic violence or psychological abuse, I have found that the police can be very understanding and helpful, certainly in my area. They will be able to make referrals to appropriate agencies locally, certainly in the UK, who can give advice and practical help.

No matter what we may have done, we all deserve to be listened to and treated with respect.

Please, please, please spare me from people who don't speak their mind. I cannot bear all this pussy-footing around in my personal and business life. With clients it's different. It takes patient exploration to get to the truth. That's my skill and what I'm paid for.

But, if someone has a problem or an issue with me or my business life, then please talk to me about it. We can listen and understand each other, clear up misconceptions, talk things through. It beggars belief what assumptions have been made this week from perfectly innocent remarks, emails and conversations. If you are concerned about something, raise it, talk about it, seek clarification, speak to people who know the truth, the origins. I know I am guilty of the same thing, but it is a very valuable lesson to learn.

Don't make assumptions, don't make 2+2 add up to 105. It helps no-one, least of all yourself.

Brilliant supervision session. Problems aired, mind cleared, decisions made. Action planned - already begun in fact. Also great news that we have a new supporter for my charity, www.homestartwoking.org.uk with a generous donation to our funds. Feeling so much more buoyant. A weight off my shoulders.

Goodness me, I'm beginning to sound like a grumpy old woman! Am off to "dump" some of my client problems on my supervisor and have arranged a session of hypnotherapy for myself with a colleague next week. Self hypnosis is all very well - worked brilliantly for me when I played my tennis matches - but there's nothing like putting yourself in the skilled hands of another trusted therapist.
Meanwhile, a lovely weekend if France to look forward to..... with interesting places to visit and surprises in store, I'm promised.