I have been saddened of late by so many clients who are allowing themselves to be put under insupportable stress in order to maintain a lifestyle. To step down from two people earning to just one seems to be an adjustment most new families simply do not have the luxury of contemplating, let alone achieving. Many couples work long hours, leaving their child or children to be brought up in nursery care or by a child minder.
Please don't get me wrong - I am not making a judgement here. I didn't take readily to motherhood myself and was soon on the look out for a part time job to relive the unremitting boredom of being with baby, and later babies. But parents (and either mother or father could be the main carer of the children) seem to spend so little time day to day with their children and sometimes, even when they do, they are totally focused on achievement and development rather than on play and having fun together.
The world seems to be giving us the message that we must have everything new and up to date, that simply enjoying a child's company is not enough. We must be making sure they are stimulated and entertained all their waking hours. My own children spent hours playing imaginary games in the garden, getting dirty, sometimes helping their Dad. We holidayed in England until they were 8 and 10, going to the seaside every year where again they spent days on end trawling through pools, climbing the rocks and making sand castles. Yes, we did visit nearby attractions, but not daily. Later we ventured to France, camping near a lake or by the sea, continuing until they began to plan holidays themselves with friends. Life seemed so simple then.
Yes, we were short of money. I worked for a charity and earned relatively little. But I think we were not only happy but content. They survived divorce and moving to a smaller home without obvious damage. My children look back fondly on their childhood, and both have children of their own now who are being brought up in a very similar way.
I wonder what we could do to change the "have it all" culture that seems to prevail now. We would all be so much happier, content, in fact.

AND ... I seem to be feeling incredibly creaky. Maybe my low mood is affecting my physical body too. Rest and relaxation is what is need ... and that right soon.

Clearly the gods are not smiling on me at the moment, or perhaps the planets are out of alignment. It seems every other client is cancelling, not attending, not responding, not paying - the going is hard.

I am surprised at just how much this has affected my mood in the last week and I am looking forward to my one to one supervision in a few days. When things like this happen, it is difficult to hold on to the good feedback and remain positive about my skills.

The situation is made worse by the problems current clients are presenting with, which are all heavy and in the category of "only time will heal": relationship breakdown, bereavement, job losses. I know my role is a valuable one for them, in that in some cases I am the only person they have talked to about their situation and also that they can say things to me that they could not say to friends or family members without feeling disloyal or judged, and get in touch with emotions they keep hidden from their nearest and dearest in order to appear strong and to protect children and family, for example.

It makes me reflect on the importance of my regular supervision sessions and also be thankful for the cheerful, chatty,irreverent social networking on facebook which lightens my mood. It's great to be in touch with such a variety of people and share their jokes and quips and view of events both personal and public.

Looking forward to a complete break away next weekend - an opportunity just to be me. I really feel I will have earned it!

I have two brilliant clients at the moment, both so committed to change, which is, of course, why they have come to Mind to Change!
They each have a weight issue: one is clinically obese and literally eating herself into an early grave, whilst the other is bulimic. Body image is a difficult problem for both of them in different ways. One has a no concept of her body, has always seen herself as overweight and has now eaten herself to the size she believed was predicted for her by her father. The second woman, and they are both women, is slim and attractive but has a completely distorted view of physical self. Two sides of the same coin, you might say.
As always with weight problems, there are deep, underlying issues stemming from way back - casual remarks, cruel words, lack of parental love - can all mean that people will either feed or starve themselves, causing actual physical harm and danger to their mental well being and happiness, filling, starving or harming themselves as a result of what happened in the past.
Today I used a regression technique which for one particular client was very powerful indeed.
She also told me that, while she thought our second session had not been as effective as the first, the learning from it has been developing and increasing over the intervening time between our sessions.
The important thing is that both clients are completely committed to overcoming their problems and my aim is to help them both to find a new, healthy relationship with food that no longer means using it as a punishment, reward, means of allaying anxiety or mood enhancer.

The teacher at my gym class this week asked if we were all "injury free". Several members of about my age and stage laughed hollowly....

My right knee has been dodgy since I wobbled off my high heels carrying a large cider bag in a box down the path to the car in November. My left shoulder got better during my Pilates retreat in September, but now the right one has stiffened up! Both my next to big toes are numb and I have a touch of tennis elbow! My left knee gives the odd twinge and I must have hurt my thumb when I fell over skiing as that now aches in the cold. I think "injury free" might be a synonym for dead!!!

I belong to a women's networking group called Athena. The Guildford branch meets at L'Auberge in Clandon and meetings are always very enjoyable and informative and, in the 18 months since I joined, have proved very productive for both in terms of sharing ideas and support and in actually attracting new clients to my practice.
Today we had a wonderful speaker who had built her own business, www.chocchick.com. A brilliant idea! What could be nicer than making your own chocolate - with ingredients which actually do you good rather than harm - or giving a Choc Chick Kit to your chocoholic friends with a completely clear conscience, knowing they will not only have fun but also enjoy health benefits. Check out this fun website and make your own delicious, healthy chocolate today!

One of my clients was killed last week in a road accident. I felt very sad as he was a genuine, caring man who had worked hard in his counselling sessions and was really beginning to feel positive again about his future. He clearly had a very good relationship with his wife and she was understandably devasted when she rang to give me the terrible news.
My immediate thought was to send her a card, but then all the issues of boundaries and confidentiality came flooding into my mind. I decided to go with my first reaction, however, and sent her a card, telling her that I knew my client loved her deeply and referred to her as "his rock". It was so much the right thing to do. She contacted me to tell me the card arrived at a particulary low moment and was a great help and comfort to her. I am so glad I went with my instincts and responded in this way.

Many of my clients are referred through their company's employee assistance programme for brief, solution focused therapy. They will typically have only 6 sessions, so we need to work quickly to identify the problem and find ways to deal with it so that, at the end of the 6 sessions, the client is ready to move on with their life. To do this I use hypnotherapeutic and NLP techniques, as well as those from my original person centred counselling training. Each intervention is tailored to the individual client.

Some clients seem to be overwhelmed with several problems, so we need to identify which one to work on to make the most difference in their life. Often when one problem is resolved, the others will go away or work themselves out without further intervention.

Recently a client has asked for extra sessions. His company gives a generous allocation of eight hours but at the second session he was already worrying he would not be "better" before we had to end. This indicates to me that he thinks I have a magic wand that I can wave over him to "cure" him of his stress and depression. Of course, neither counselling nor hypnotherapy work like this. The client has to be engaged, committed and willing to make changes which may be difficult and sometimes painful, to bring about a change in their situation.


If the client is complaining about a partner, friend or child, of course we cannot change that person. What we can change is the way the client responds to or approaches them. Very often they will be having the same old argument over and over again. So they need to find a different way of responding, so their protagonist cannot keep repeating their pattern of behaviour and the circuit is broken.

And this is what I can help my clients to do, either through the use of hypnotherpy or brief counselling skills. Sometimes just talking about a problem to a non judgemental third party lessens its weight and importance. Once it is out of the client's head, there seems to be free space in the mind to come up with a solution.

So, if you don't like what you're getting, change what you're doing or, if you can't change something, then change the way you think about it......

.... with the help of Mind to Change.

I have seen several clients recently who are finding that their lack of confidence is holding them back, either socially or in their work. Often they manage to put on a good act, prepare well for meetings and presentations, for example, but live in fear of being "found out"... Their fear is that: "Someone will realise I can't really do this job".

Hypnotherapy can really help to boost confidence and self belief by focusing on the positive. Many people forget all the good things and dwell only on mistakes and failures in their lives.

So, take a positive step today to turn your life around. At the end of each day, write down in a diary or special note book, three good things that have happened to you. Even if sometimes you feel you can only find something very small - a smile from a fellow passenger on the train, for example, WRITE IT DOWN.
And, if you have a mind to change.... contact me: jose@mindtochange.co.uk

Fantastic day in the garden today. Roger has been potting up his winter pansies (don't ask!) and I massacred the philadelphus - a job long overdue. Now we can sit back with a cup of tea and enjoy.
Had a series of great photographs taken this week to update my website, ecademy and so on. The photographer, Samantha Jones (www.samjonesphotography.co.uk) was excellent. She gave some good suggestions beforehand, made me feel totally relaxed and the orchard setting on a beautiful autumn day added to the feeling of ease. I am delighted with the results and can thoroughly recommend her.
I love the autumn and this is going to be a good one, I think. So many fruits of every description and the leaves are magnificent. The conditions must be just right, I think. I am determined to make time this week to visit Wisley Garden to enjoy the magnificent tree there they call the "Wisley Bonfire". It is a sight to behold at this time of year - nature at her glorious best.

Played tennis with the club coach and his wife in our regular Sunday foursome this morning. We were only marginally beaten this week – 6-4, 6-3: excellent games with long rallies. We must be improving.

Decided to annoy Roger later by wearing my leggings – amongst his pet hates are: women in leggings, skiing in Austria, ready meals, BMWs (especially those little squat sports models), me with highlights…... the list goes on.

Roger cooked an interesting supper from Nigel Slater. Good fish – haddock with bacon. We had bought a squash to accompany it which was obviously intended to be admired rather than consumed as it was fibrous and tasteless. Ah well, I always have been seduced by appearances!

Looking forward to the American invasion in a couple of weeks. Must make coffee…..

I have just spent a fantastic 5 days in Italy on a Pilates Retreat. We flew to Perugia with Ryanair (no frills, but fine) where Sarah (http://www.sarahpilates.com/) had hired a van to take us to La Preghiera, a beautiful renovated monastery in the Umbrian countryside (http://www.lapreghiera.com/). The staff were attentive and helpful and the setting was beautiful. Our morning class was held in the chapel and the evening class on the sunny terrace. We were sustained with a wonderful brunch each day and spent free time relaxing by the swimming pool in the gentle sunshine.

On Saturday 5 of us had a cookery lesson and in the evening were able to enjoy the fruits of our toils - a 5 course meal accompanied by local wine. I think life may be a little too short to make fresh pasta on a regular basis, but it was interesting to see how it's done and I have tried out some of the other recipes with great success since my return.

Now I feel completely relaxed and ready to face my ever increasing client load. Certainly the economic downturn seems to have put many people under pressure as more and more clients present with work based stress, anxiety and panic attacks, bullying by managers and colleagues, sleeping problems and depression.

I had a wonderful experience yesterday at a networking lunch which I must share. I had treated one of the members of the group for a spider phobia some weeks ago but had had no feedback from her. Yesterday she stood up and read the following testimonial:

"I had a fear of spiders which was so bad it affected my everyday life. What if in lifting that cup out of the cupboard a spider drops out? Just seeing a spider on a piece of paper made me feel physically sick and very upset. Jose Penrose, however, convinced me that life did not have to be like that, if you have a "mind to change"! It had never occurred to me that I could take control and do something positive about this situation.
Convinced that she could help me, I booked a hypnotherapy session. It was wonderful. Jose listened intently to my irrational fears and made me feel at ease discussing something I found very difficult. I have as yet not come across the dreaded beast but I do know that I am now not worrying about what will happen. It does not fill me with fear.
This morning I had a yoga lesson outside on the grass and, along with everyone else I casually took off my shoes and socks and stepped onto the grass without even thinking about what might be lurking in the grass. That to me is priceless. That you, Jose. I will recommend your service to all my friends and colleagues."

What a boost to my confidence - and a confirmation of the effectiveness of hypnotherapy, particularly in the treatment of phobias, panic attacks and other anxiety related problems. My client must, of course, remain anomymous, but I do thank her so much for her excellent recommendation.

A wealth of interesting new clients have come my way recently - clients who have contacted me direct rather than through their EAP providers. A woman with a spider phobia, an insomniac, someone who feared she was losing control of her weight and, last week, a fear of travelling accompanied by severe nausea. This last client felt her life was closing down i.e. that the phobia was preventing her doing many things she would really like to be doing now she has the opportunity and the resources. Her phobia and nausea were closely related to smell and, indeed, she could start to feel ill and panicky as soon as she opened the suitcases to start packing. She suffered from actual motion sickness but it seemed that she was less concerned about that aspect, which she could control with medication, than about the panic and fear which began even as she contemplated a trip.
She attended one treatment session and I subsequently made her a personalised CD and she is delighted with the result:
"Attached is photographic evidence that I went flying for the first time in X's light aircraft! Quite ridiculously, I decided to agree to make my first flight all the way to France for lunch!
X was going anyway and half-jokingly suggested I come with him - the idea didn't fill me with dread at all, which I attribute wholly to our session!
Thank you again for all your help, I may well be back soon to build on the progress I have made."
We can all do with a little relaxation in our lives, even if we do not feel we are suffering from any particular problem. From time to time I see a colleague for a counselling and healing session to restore my own equilibrium. A few weeks ago she said she felt I had lost the spiritual element in my life and recommended a young woman who is a medium. I was dubious but booked an appointment and the experience was wonderful. It is hard to describe what happened in the session but, whatever it was, it felt totally authentic and was uplifting and transforming. I have come away with a spring in my step and a much lighter heart. And with some new views and answers to questions which I have long been pondering in my own life. Please contact me if you would like more information.

I have recently been seeing a client who was suffering severe anxiety and panic attacks following an attack of vestibular neuronitis which affects the vestibular nerve and can also affect the eyes, causing nystagmus or involuntary eye movements. The onset had been sudden and very frightening and, although he was fairly quickly reassured once arriving in hospital that it was not life threatening and would pass, the symptoms had continued at a lower level for some time and he was in constant fear of a further severe attack.
He was uncomfortable playing golf and unable to do normal chores such as cutting the lawn without becoming tired and anxious.
I suggested to him that we use the "fast phobia cure" or "visual kinesthetic dissociation technique" to treat what was, in fact, a form of PTSD surrounding his initial attack. We did this, including some deep relaxation and metaphorical story telling, and, after just one session, the improvement in both his physical and mental well being was dramatic.
I feel it is really deplorable, when the effectiveness of this technique is now so well documented, that it is not routinely offered as the treatment of choice for victims of trauma, particularly to our own military personnel. To find out more about the technique, visit the Human Givens website or http://www.mindfields.org.uk.

We have just returned from a brilliant trip to Australia, taking in Hong Kong and Bintan in our travels. The purpose was to attend a wedding in Milawa, in the "gourmet region" of Victoria, about 3 hours north of Melbourne. There we found not only Brown Brothers winery but also a cheese factory, olive shop and many other tasty delights, as well as wonderful hospitality and excellent food.
On our way up from Melbourne we stayed at Chateau Yering, described as an historic house hotel (www.chateauyering.com.au). Our room was delightful, the bathroom vast and we had the most exquisite meal in the conservatory restaurant. Situated in the Yarra Valley, the Yering Vineyard was just next door. Sadly we had no time for a tasting but we put that right when we reached Milawa and had lunch at Brown Brothers accompanied by a variety of wines to taste.
In Milawa we stayed at another excellent hotel, the LindenWarrah (www.lindenwarrah.com.au) where the wedding reception was also held. The staff there could not have been more attentive and helpful and the food too was very good.
Now we are safely home - and it is quite nice to finally unpack the suitcase and, above all, sleep in my own comfortable bed!

What a stressful day! When I have days like this I always think of the words, Physician, heal thyself! I have no idea who said it, but if only I could remain calm and collected. There seems to be so much stress about these days - the is almost rattling with it.

I had a breakfast meeting at 8 am so had set the alarm for 7. At 6.30 I was rudely awakened by my husband doing an impression of Tigger jumping up and down. With the story of the rampaging kangaroo in the news yesterday fresh in my mind, I thought he must be fighting off an intruder or wrestling with the cat. No, he just had cramp. Aaaargh. Couldn't he have had it quietly. That extra half an hour would have made so much difference to the day.

Feeling quite informed and inspired by my early meeting - and now fully awake - I set off to gather some information required to complete a form for charity registration of an organisation of which I am a trustee. More jangling and skills needed here to calm and reassure. I arrived home, concerned and disoriented, wondering how best to deal with the situation, only to find my driveway surrounded by EDF vans, milling workmen and with a large hole being gouged by a small digger. AND the dustbin (not the recycling one but the smelly rubbish one) had not been emptied. Aaaargh again.

The workmen were sympathetic and helpful though, as was the council who came and emptied the bin within a couple of hours, despite promising only "within the next 24 hours". Praise where praise is due and I know just how easy it is only to see the negative in the day.

The jarring continued - muddles over holiday dates to be sorted, too much to fit into too little time, making what should be a relaxing break into a dash from one place to another.

Then..... an afternoon of calming clients slowed me down and relaxed me too. Maybe that is where the "heal thyself" comes in as I certainly do love and benefit from the work I do.

A jangly evening though. Where does all that stuff come from sometimes that pours unexpectedly from deep within ourselves? Suddenly the tap is turned and it all just comes gushing out.

Looking forward to tomorrow - a walk with a good friend in the fresh air to hopefully restore my equilibrium and get some perspective on my life at the moment. What this space!

I have recently joined the Athena Network, an inspirational networking organisation for women in business. The meetings are supportive as well as practical - check it out. There is bound to a group near you.

At our lunch this week the talk was inevitably about the alleged recession, how it was affecting us individually and what we could do to protect ourselves from its effects on our own lives.
As you know, I am already working with people who have been affected by redudancy or unplanned early retirement to help them change what may seem a body blow into an opportunity to set off on a new exciting road.

Many people out there who are still in a job will also be being affected by stress. Maybe they are in a role they dislike or find unfulfilling but are scared to seek a change in the uncertain economic climate. Or perhaps they are being put under ever increasing pressure to deliver in the wake of staff cuts. Whatever the situation, more and more people are experiencing increased stress which can be so detrimental to health so I am pleased to offer you my Ten Top Tips for Stress Reduction in your busy life:

1. Write down the things that are worrying you. If you are harbouring resentful or angry feelings, write them down and (safely) burn or shred the paper. This extra step will increase the purging therapeutic effect.

2. Keep things in perspective. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” It’s seldom a matter of life and death!

3. Stop what you’re doing and focus on your breathing. Observe the breath entering and leaving your body. Can you feel it brushing your lip? Can you feel you chest rising a falling? Notice other sensations in your body. Bring them into your awareness and observe them. Let tension leave tight muscles as you breathe out.

4. As you being to feel more relaxed, try a visualisation. Maybe you can imagine walking along beside a wide, gently flowing river. Hear the breeze in the trees, the song of the birds, the water rippling by, see the white clouds scudding across the blue summer sky, feel the warm sun on your shoulders. Maybe there is the scent of pines or flowers in the air. As you walk, put your hands into your pockets and pull out one by one the rocks you are carrying which are weighing you down. Throw them far out into the river, watching the ripples spread as the stones disappear one by one without trace. When you have thrown the last rock into the river as far out as you can, walk on feeling lighter and freer than you have felt for a very long time. Once again, enjoy your beautiful, relaxing surroundings until you feel ready to come back and be present in the present.

5. Take some exercise, a brisk walk, punch the punch bag at the gym. Exercise is a great way of getting rid of anger and tension.

6. Take a moment to write down three good things that have happened to you today. Did someone make you smile? Did you have an easy journey to work? It’s so easy to focus on all the negative stuff and block out the positive. Make a conscious effort to bring positive to mind.

7. Remember, What we resist persists. Focus on what you do want, not on all the stuff you don’t want.

8. Learn to say, “No”. Or, if not “no”, then at least, “Yes, but not right now”. Your time is valuable. You are valuable. Don’t overload yourself just to please others. You will be the only one to lose.

9. Get involved in a voluntary activity to help others. You will feel good and develop a sense of belonging and being appreciated which is so important to a flagging self esteem.

10. Plan a treat for yourself – a meal out, a massage, an evening with good friends. Something to look forward to just for you. To coin a very hackneyed phrase, “You deserve it”.

Now that I am reassured that I am fine - although I knew deep down I was, it was good to have it confirmed - I am inspired to give you two thoughts for the weekend:

No. 1 is from Charles Darwin, whose theory is so often misquoted as "the survival of the fittest". In fact he said, ‘It is not the strongest species that survive, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.’

And change is what coaching is all about. Establishing the beliefs and values that are important to you and moving forward to a position where those beliefs and values are reflected in both your working and your personal life.

Quote No. 2 - "It is impossible to get a toehold on success by acting like a heel". Back to those values and beliefs, I think.

Enjoy the weekend!

I am obviously being tested on living with uncertainty. I had planned to write in this blog again after my oncology follow up on 13th January. I had had my blood test and was all geared up to attend when the appointment was cancelled because the consultant was ill with 'flu. I quickly received a new appointment, only to have that one cancelled too because of the unexpected snow fall. My blood test is now more than a month old and my new appointment on 17th February. Ah well, at least I feel well and am busy and fulfilled ....

...and have lots of plans to promote my coaching work - http://www.lifecoach-taliesin.co.uk/ - focusing on clients whose roles have become redundant or who have been forced into unplanned retirement because of the current economic downturn.

In fact I would like to coach anyone facing any kind of change in their life. Change can be such a fantastic opportunity to set out on a new and different path, whatever your age or stage. It can present a chance to use hitherto untried skills, realise dreams or fulfull a long held ambition.

All it takes to turn the negative into a positive experience is a good listener who knows how uncover and develop the very best in you. Take at look at my http://www.lifecoach-taliesin.co.uk/ website and contact me direct for more information and an informal chat.