Wise words.....

I was very touched indeed to receive an email from a recent client this morning.  She had been finding it hard to come to terms with a bereavement, and the quote at the end of her message really moved me, so I will share it with you:  "Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy."  Wise words to reflect on whenever we feel sad.

I am very ashamed to say that I have just hurt someone completely unintentionally.  It has made me very sad and also realise that I need to think a bit more carefully about the quick quip, sexy remark and throwaway line. 
I do find people fascinating and when I meet someone I feel is in need of support, then I know that I do reach out to them to see if I can help and that reaching out can, although I had not thought about it before, be misinterpreted. 
So, lesson learned, I hope, for the future. 

Just back from a wonderful month's trip to Australia, New Zealand and Langkawi.  I was feeling very nervous about leaving home for so long and touring for two weeks in a car around NZ but, in fact, we had a great time.  Throughout the trip we never had a bad meal or bottle of wine and met so many kind, helpful and cheerful people.  We enjoyed many unexpected little treats - two lovely meals in the Matheson Cafe, Fox Glacier (www.lakematheson.com), another good experience at the Pepper Tree in Coromandel (www.peppertreerestaurant.co.nz), an unforgettable time at the Aworoa Lodge in the Abel Tasman Park (http://www.awaroalodge.co.nz).  The highlight of our trip was a relaxing 4 nights on our way home at the Andaman, Langkawi where the staff were so friendly and helpful and the facilities excellent (http://www.theandaman.com). 
Just two downsides: a very disappointing two nights in the Pauanui Pines Motor Lodge on the Coromandel, where the relentless bonhomie of the owner did not make up for a small, cheaply furnished chalet squashed behind a high, thick hedge - certainly nothing like the pictures or description in their literature - and a nerve wracking boat ride on an "island hopping" tour arranged in Langkawi. 
In contrast we enjoyed an excursion to the mangroves, organised by www.junglewalla.com in conjunction with the Andaman hotel, and led by a very knowledgeable guide, Adam. We saw kingfishers, bats, snakes, fiddler crabs and mud skippers as well as magnificent sea eagles and Brahminy kites.
Back to reality now - wind, rain, work and the prospect of a chilly winter ahead but a bank of great memories to reflect on in the months ahead.

Just have to share a short comment from a client received this week: Thank you for seeing me today, José. You always were calming and I found the session to be just that.

Lovely feedback which I am delighted to receive.  I do wonder if my nearest and dearest would recognise me though! 

Just enjoyed another excellent Athena meeting at Foxhills.  I have been a member of this great networking association for about four years now.  Meetings are always interesting, supportive and full of fun and it has really boosted my business.  I can thoroughly recommend it.  The speaker today talked about converting leads to increase your business and gave some really practical tips.  At first it seemed my therapy practice was too small a business to benefit, but speaking to her personally after the meeting, she had some useful advice to give me.  I seldom leave an Athena meeting without some useful tips and always find my energy and enthusiasm have received a big boost.  It is so important to get out and meet like minded people, especially when you are working in isolation running a small business from home.  Check out your local branch at http://www.theathenanetwork.com/  I am sure it will be a rewarding experience.

Through my networking contacts in Athena I have had a video made - you can see it on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38fgVWTsehI.  It encapsulates my work and I am very grateful to the photographer and to the participants.  A real team effort and tremendous fun in the shooting.

And what worries me is, is it me or is it him?  Was it me who didn’t notice that the dishwasher tablet wrapper wouldn’t dissolve? After all, the last box we bought had dissolvable wrappers.  And how do you ever know what is reality?  Is my reality different from his, from other people’s?  How can we tell what is truth and what is fiction?  Am I programmed to remember totally different things or do we just perceive things – circumstances, events, conversations – in totally different ways in terms of our communication styles, life experiences, upbringing?  How can we ever know what is truth,  what is real, what is imagined?  I’m not sure that we can know.  And is that disturbing, frightening, enlightening?  Maybe we just have to accept it and adapt to it.  Thought for today.

So here we are again - back at work, back at school, chilly mornings and darkening evenings.  Memories of sunny days and summer holidays are fast fading and the same old, same old is back to dog our moods and dampen our spirits.  Old anxieties returning, depression even, as the winter stretches ahead of us.  Even if you don't have specific problem, it is easy to feel low at this time of year.
Now is the time to treat yourself to a relaxing session of hypnotherapy.  A session, which lasts and hour and costs £45, will help you to see the run up to Christmas in a more positive light, to plan in some treats and good things to look forward to through this busy period.
You can contact me via the website - www.mindtochange.co.uk or call me on 01483 769058 to book an appointment now.  You won't regret it. 

I have recently been seeing a 35 year old male client who presented at the first session with fear of flying.  He was about to fly to Europe for a wedding and felt he would be unable to get on the plane.  We did a simple fear of flying exercise but the next day he contacted me again, saying he had been unable to fly and he also felt that something from his childhood had been uncovered which he now urgently needed to address.  He described feeling as if he was being physically crushed.  He had a very stressful job, requiring him to be on call 24 hours a day and had gradually allowed his life to close down, cutting out exercise – particularly running, which he loves.  He had been to the GP who gave him a “fit note”, stating that he must only work normal hours with no on call duties.   

It seems that both his parents committed suicide when he was seven.  He and his brother went to live with their grandmother for a couple of years and were subsequently adopted into a very happy home.  He loves his adoptive parents and they are very encouraging and understanding.  His brother had a major breakdown a few years ago but is now doing well and shortly after putting them up for adoption, his grandmother developed Alzheimer’s disease and was lost to him. 

Over the years my client has been into drugs, had a number of periods of worrying completely groundlessly about his health – blindness, brain tumour – but he is now in a stable relationship and his life is on track.   

I taught him tapping to help with the anxiety and panic attacks and we did five hypnotherapy sessions, regressing to his childhood, comforting and releasing emotions, and generally relaxing, interspersed with counselling.  Initially he seemed to be getting worse, with increasing anxiety, troubled by dark thoughts, fearing death and finding it difficult to be in the present.  However, in the midst of it all, he managed to join a running club and start spinning classes with his partner.  His boss was supportive and the GP extended the “fit note”.   

In session seven he managed to say he forgave his birth parents and this certainly seemed to be the turning point for him.  By the 8^th session he had really turned a corner and, following a short holiday in the UK which he found very relaxing and enjoyable, he is feeling really good.  He has had no panic attacks for two months and is going back to on call duties gradually.  He is beginning to think about another holiday in Canada, where he has been several times and would really like to live.  

I felt really engaged by this client.  In the depths of despair still managed to get to see me and keep himself going, even though he was experiencing physical symptoms and severe panic attacks.  It is wonderful to see him come through safely and I wish him well.

I am really struggling at the moment with a severely anxious client.  We have done two excellent hypnotherapy sessions, with counselling in between, but he seems to be deteriorating rather than improving. 

He came initially with a fear of flying but it was almost immediately evident that this was a symptom of a much deeper seated anxiety.  He has had very difficult childhood experiences which are clearly now playing a part in his current terrified and anxious state.  He has stepped back from a very stressful job, but his system has been on 24 hour alert for so long, that it seems to have set itself to hyper vigilance and so far we have not managed to turn it down or off.  He is finding it almost impossible to enjoy the moment and is completely submerged in pointless and unfounded worries about the future. 

As is so often the case with such patients, it is only when their lives take a turn for the better and they have an opportunity to relax and enjoy life, that the anxieties surface.  It seems the body and mind get so used to being on watch 24 / 7 that they just cannot stand down and relax.

Fortunately his GP has been sensible and sympathetic and I am sure we will win through in the end.  I did feel some very valuable work was done in our last session that will have a benefit in the coming days.  Fingers crossed, at least.  He is such a very likely young man it makes me wish I really did have a magic wand in my toolbox to cure him instantly instead of going through the long and very, very painful process with him.

I am not a collector.  I don't think I have ever had a collection of anything in my life.  If you collect, you are ultimately exploited by the providers of the collectibles, it seems to me.  I do sometimes like to bring home something from a trip - an ornament, a picture, maybe just a pebble or shell to remind me - maybe that too is a form of collecting. 

I am a wanderer, a voyager, a butterfly, a "fly by the seat of my pants" type of person.  I react and create.  I have faith and intuition.  These reflections are in response to an article I have just read in The Garden magazine about foxgloves. I love foxgloves.  I played with them a a child, making thimbles and dolls cups, and came to no harm. We have wild ones in the garden now which pop up every year in different places, dappled pink and beautiful.  I wonder why one would want to collect dozens of different adaptations when there is so much to enjoy about the original.

Clients say my home is a haven of peace.  It is peaceful.  It is also wild, structured and calm.  Lots of contradictions perhaps, but for me the perfect place.  I have lived in this house now for longer than I have ever lived anywhere in my whole life - 18 years in July.  And whilst I used to enjoy settling in and adapting each new place, staying in one place has enabled me to develop it into somewhere where I can be completely relaxed and at peace with myself. 

A few years ago I was constantly making a statement about me, about my life, my achievements.  Now I am relaxed and content within myself and I hope I provide a peaceful, safe place for clients to find their own way to relax and resolve their problems.

Came back from the US completely chilled but it didn’t take long for life to kick back in. A couple of nights of poor sleep, piles of washing and another suitcase to pack and unpack.... maybe two short trips away were not a good idea right after crossing the Atlantic!

A great session of hypnotherapy with a willing and responsive client can be even more relaxing than a holiday, though, and that’s what I had today. Client so deep and so amazed at the feeling of comfort and relaxation that deep trance induces. As one of two clients have said to me recently, “You could bottle that”. Well, maybe not bottle it, but I can produce an individually tailored CD following a session to maintain the feeling of wellbeing and relaxation.

Treated a lovely young girl this afternoon for trichotillomania (hair pulling). Such a welcome relief after a week of last minute cancellations and difficult problems. So good to hear from two other clients from way back that just one hypnotherapy session each had dispelled frightening, nightly nightmares and alleviated cystitis. Feedback, good or bad, is often difficult to come by - if clients feel better, they tend to forget they had a problem in the first place! All set up now for a relaxing weekend and ready face next week's challenges......

I've lost my hairbrush - you know, the little round one with the red handle. I had it in my hand and then my mobile rang. I answered the call, made another one and now I can't find my hairbrush anywhere. I have retraced my steps a dozen times, looked in its original place - it has truly disappeared completely.
I have had to dry my hair with my stying brush and it was too dry anyway and now its all fly away and fluffy and will remain so the whole day.
I feel quite discombobulated! Happy Thursday! Excuse me while I go and have another search. After all, it MUST be here somewhere! Although they were talking about aliens earlier on BBC Radio 4....... I wonder?

A lovely card in the post today from a recent client: "Thank you for your support. During those darkest weeks you were a real lifeline".

The words reminded me that very often it is enough just to be there and to listen, particularly perhaps when a client comes with what seems like an overwhelming problem and I feel almost as helpless as they do. At times like that it really doesn't matter what counselling school you are trained in or what approach you favour, the therapeutic relationship - creating empathy - is everything and enough for that moment. It is only necessary to be there and to contain the client ... and to continue that support from session to session for as long as it's needed.

I know that I often feel I have failed if the client doesn't seem to have got better, moved on, recovered. So it is good to be reminded that just being there can often be enough.

About this time last year I treated a client who wanted hypnotherapy to stop smoking. The dominant part of his habit was feeling compelled to smoke as soon as he sat down at his computer to work. He has just sent me the following wonderful testimonial.

"Hello Jose,

I came to see you about a year ago. I’m pleased to report that after a year and one week of quitting smoking I’m still smoke-free. I’ve not lapsed at all and now feel 85% “recovered.”

Although I can’t say for certain how much my session with you helped, I did have quite a vivid recollection of starting at the age of 19 and I held on to your suggestion that I now had a second chance to tell myself I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it back then although I gave in under pressure.

Strangely for me I found I had an actual aversion to smoking at my work desk (I remember you focussed on that because I told you I’d rather quit working than risk starting to smoke again).

Samih, the Tunisian chap who came to your place with his wife, did seem to quit but is now on about 3 a day. He’ll have another bash at it soon.

I’ve saved over £5,000, which I think I owe at least in part to you.

Please feel free to use what I’ve written here to promote your service. Even Samih’s 3-a-day habit is much less than before and I think he'll be back to zero again soon.

All the best, Jeff."

Nothing more to say except: Thank you, Jeff, for your fantastic testimonial and for giving me permission to use it word for word.

Accentuate the positive!
I have seen two clients this week who were both completely mired in negativity. They could have spent the whole session telling me what they didn’t want or what was bad about their life or situation.
My role, I believe, is to enable people to discover what they DO want. To get a sense, a picture, a vision if you like of what a good future will look like and to focus on that, developing the idea and expanding it wider and wider, adding detail all the time.
There was never truer expression than, “What we resist, persists”.
So next time you hear yourself saying, “I hate my job/partner/family situation”, ask yourself what your ideal life would look like - what do you love and where do you want to be - and focus on that. You’ll be surprised how empowering an exercise it can be.

Awoke on Saturday morning to a faint glimmer of light through the closed curtains and the sound of distant gunfire as the French hunters decimate the wildlife on the Marais du Cotentin! A persistent buzzing emanates from the rafters - a large insect trapped in a small space - let's hope it stays there.

We have come to the Mud Hut on this occasion principally to wage war on the Cluster flies , which have been a real nuisance this year. Having suffered a literal plague in April and October, we researched on the Internet (www.the-piedpiper.co.uk/th6e.htm) and found that they lay their eggs in the bodies of earthworms but roost or overwinter in loft areas or walls. We have always noticed a few flies in the Spring and Autumn but this year they must have invited all their families and friends to share our roof space!

We came armed with a powerful insecticide "bomb" which we set off in the morning and quickly left to work for 3 hours while we vacated the premises. We seem to have caught quite a few flies and will be leaving a milder (and safer) insecticide spray going at intervals for a few weeks to hopefully finish the job. We will also leave bunches of rosemary and bowls of lavender as apparently strong smelling herbs act as a repellent and discourage the flies from entering in the first place.

Sadly we seem to have caused the death of a variety of spiders and other harmless insects: lacewings, a ladybird, a very large wasp and a few moths and shield bugs, which must have also been innocently sheltering in our mud walls and boarded rafters.

Sunday was a beautiful day and we took time off from painting the now not so new shower room to wander over the Marais de Sangsuriere, which we had not explored before. We watched a flock of starlings wheeling and diving in a black cloud, constantly changing shape, and a few sandpipers rose in the air as we walked. The marsh near our house is already flooded, reflecting a blue, blue sky and piles of fluffy white clouds in its icy waters. Beautiful, peaceful, relaxing and restorative.

I have been thinking this week a lot about friendships. I am an only child and was kept quite isolated when I was young, only being allowed to mix with children of my parents' friends. I remember this as a really distressing experience, as they knew each other and went to school together and I was a complete outsider.

When I was 9 we moved from Devon to Surrey and I had great trouble making friends at school. Looking back I now see that I really wanted to have one special friend, rather than a group and when I did find a friend, I found it very difficult to share her with others.

This actually carried on throughout my life and up until about two years ago I would have numbered the people I considered my friends on the fingers of one hand. I found it very difficult to share friends with others and also it was hard to be with two special people at the same time - my partner and my best friend, for example. I know years ago I just could not juggle the demands of my father and my then husband.

Recently though I have had a revelation. I am suddenly learning (and I really don't know why or how this change has come about) that I actually have many friends, or certainly people who consider me their friend and whom I am now very happy to call my friends. I have met them through may different activities: sport, work, volunteering, networking and by taking part in my partner's hobbies. I am suddenly finding getting to know people interesting and fun and have never felt so supported and loved... and I am a much happier and more relaxed person as a result. a win - win revelation, you might say.

So, my message, it is important to be aware of other's love and appreciation of you and to value them as special people in your life.

I've recently been reminded that it's so easy to slip into patterns of behaviour without even noticing until, one day months or even years down the line, we find ourselves in a place we definitely don't want to be with no idea how we got there. A very frightening experience and one that demands courage and determination to change.

We often blame those around us for where we end up - partner, children, boss or friends - but the reality is we ourselves are to blame and the first step towards getting back the life we really want is to recognise this. I always tell clients who grumble about or blame others in their life for their situation, that in my therapy room we cannot change another person, however much we moan about them. The solution lies within ourselves and what we can change is the way we react to those irritating or destructive others. If we no longer allow them to push our buttons, then there will be no pay off for them in attempting to wind us up or put us down. Likewise, if we forge ahead doing everything the moment it seems to need doing, jumping in and taking control of every situation, then others never have a chance to help - or to shine.

When we decide to take a back seat at least some of the time and allow others to develop and show their skills, everyone will be happier and we will have more time to take care of ourselves and enjoy some of the fun and replenishing activities we haven't had time for for quite a while.

Ask yourself if this is you. If it is, then acknowledge what changes you need to make to take care of yourself as well as those around you.

Technology - doesn't it drive you mad! I have a beautiful new computer (64 bit apparently). I am very, very pleased with it - Windows 7 and all that - but annoyingly it won't allow my Blackberry to sync with my Outlook. As I am booking in clients from week to week, it get quite paranoid about losing my phone, dropping it into the dishwasher or slamming it in the car door, and losing all my contacts and appointments. Then I had the brilliant idea of syncing to an on line calendar ..... and I did! Grateful thanks to Philip of www.zuuMedia.com who was kind and patient to give me advice on how to do this. Philip's company, zuuMedia.com, provides technical support remotely to small and medium size businesses for a very reasonable monthly fee and I can certainly recommend him.