Mindweaver's Musings

2011-11-26T15:39:00.001Z

Just back from a wonderful month's trip to Australia, New Zealand and Langkawi. I was feeling very nervous about leaving home for so long and touring for two weeks in a car around NZ but, in fact, we had a great time. Throughout the trip we never had a bad meal or bottle of wine and met so many kind, helpful and cheerful people. We enjoyed many unexpected little treats - two lovely meals in the Matheson Cafe, Fox Glacier (www.lakematheson.com), another good experience at the Pepper Tree in Coromandel (www.peppertreerestaurant.co.nz), an unforgettable time at the Aworoa Lodge in the Abel Tasman Park (http://www.awaroalodge.co.nz). The highlight of our trip was a relaxing 4 nights on our way home at the Andaman, Langkawi where the staff were so friendly and helpful and the facilities excellent (http://www.theandaman.com).
Just two downsides: a very disappointing two nights in the Pauanui Pines Motor Lodge on the Coromandel, where the relentless bonhomie of the owner did not make up for a small, cheaply furnished chalet squashed behind a high, thick hedge - certainly nothing like the pictures or description in their literature - and a nerve wracking boat ride on an "island hopping" tour arranged in Langkawi.
In contrast we enjoyed an excursion to the mangroves, organised by www.junglewalla.com in conjunction with the Andaman hotel, and led by a very knowledgeable guide, Adam. We saw kingfishers, bats, snakes, fiddler crabs and mud skippers as well as magnificent sea eagles and Brahminy kites.
Back to reality now - wind, rain, work and the prospect of a chilly winter ahead but a bank of great memories to reflect on in the months ahead.

2011-10-06T09:40:00.000+01:00

Just have to share a short comment from a client received this week: Thank you for seeing me today, José. You always were calming and I found the session to be just that.

Lovely feedback which I am delighted to receive. I do wonder if my nearest and dearest would recognise me though!

2011-10-04T16:03:00.000+01:00

Just enjoyed another excellent Athena meeting at Foxhills. I have been a member of this great networking association for about four years now. Meetings are always interesting, supportive and full of fun and it has really boosted my business. I can thoroughly recommend it. The speaker today talked about converting leads to increase your business and gave some really practical tips. At first it seemed my therapy practice was too small a business to benefit, but speaking to her personally after the meeting, she had some useful advice to give me. I seldom leave an Athena meeting without some useful tips and always find my energy and enthusiasm have received a big boost. It is so important to get out and meet like minded people, especially when you are working in isolation running a small business from home. Check out your local branch at http://www.theathenanetwork.com/ I am sure it will be a rewarding experience.

Through my networking contacts in Athena I have had a video made - you can see it on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38fgVWTsehI. It encapsulates my work and I am very grateful to the photographer and to the participants. A real team effort and tremendous fun in the shooting.

2011-09-21T19:50:00.000+01:00

And what worries me is, is it me or is it him? Was it me who didn’t notice that the dishwasher tablet wrapper wouldn’t dissolve? After all, the last box we bought had dissolvable wrappers. And how do you ever know what is reality? Is my reality different from his, from other people’s? How can we tell what is truth and what is fiction? Am I programmed to remember totally different things or do we just perceive things – circumstances, events, conversations – in totally different ways in terms of our communication styles, life experiences, upbringing? How can we ever know what is truth, what is real, what is imagined? I’m not sure that we can know. And is that disturbing, frightening, enlightening? Maybe we just have to accept it and adapt to it. Thought for today.

2011-09-06T16:35:00.000+01:00

So here we are again - back at work, back at school, chilly mornings and darkening evenings. Memories of sunny days and summer holidays are fast fading and the same old, same old is back to dog our moods and dampen our spirits. Old anxieties returning, depression even, as the winter stretches ahead of us. Even if you don't have specific problem, it is easy to feel low at this time of year.
Now is the time to treat yourself to a relaxing session of hypnotherapy. A session, which lasts and hour and costs £45, will help you to see the run up to Christmas in a more positive light, to plan in some treats and good things to look forward to through this busy period.
You can contact me via the website - www.mindtochange.co.uk or call me on 01483 769058 to book an appointment now. You won't regret it.

2011-08-10T15:40:00.000+01:00

I have recently been seeing a 35 year old male client who presented at the first session with fear of flying. He was about to fly to Europe for a wedding and felt he would be unable to get on the plane. We did a simple fear of flying exercise but the next day he contacted me again, saying he had been unable to fly and he also felt that something from his childhood had been uncovered which he now urgently needed to address. He described feeling as if he was being physically crushed. He had a very stressful job, requiring him to be on call 24 hours a day and had gradually allowed his life to close down, cutting out exercise – particularly running, which he loves. He had been to the GP who gave him a “fit note”, stating that he must only work normal hours with no on call duties.

It seems that both his parents committed suicide when he was seven. He and his brother went to live with their grandmother for a couple of years and were subsequently adopted into a very happy home. He loves his adoptive parents and they are very encouraging and understanding. His brother had a major breakdown a few years ago but is now doing well and shortly after putting them up for adoption, his grandmother developed Alzheimer’s disease and was lost to him.

Over the years my client has been into drugs, had a number of periods of worrying completely groundlessly about his health – blindness, brain tumour – but he is now in a stable relationship and his life is on track.

I taught him tapping to help with the anxiety and panic attacks and we did five hypnotherapy sessions, regressing to his childhood, comforting and releasing emotions, and generally relaxing, interspersed with counselling. Initially he seemed to be getting worse, with increasing anxiety, troubled by dark thoughts, fearing death and finding it difficult to be in the present. However, in the midst of it all, he managed to join a running club and start spinning classes with his partner. His boss was supportive and the GP extended the “fit note”.

In session seven he managed to say he forgave his birth parents and this certainly seemed to be the turning point for him. By the 8^th session he had really turned a corner and, following a short holiday in the UK which he found very relaxing and enjoyable, he is feeling really good. He has had no panic attacks for two months and is going back to on call duties gradually. He is beginning to think about another holiday in Canada, where he has been several times and would really like to live.

I felt really engaged by this client. In the depths of despair still managed to get to see me and keep himself going, even though he was experiencing physical symptoms and severe panic attacks. It is wonderful to see him come through safely and I wish him well.

2011-06-16T16:50:00.000+01:00

I am really struggling at the moment with a severely anxious client. We have done two excellent hypnotherapy sessions, with counselling in between, but he seems to be deteriorating rather than improving.

He came initially with a fear of flying but it was almost immediately evident that this was a symptom of a much deeper seated anxiety. He has had very difficult childhood experiences which are clearly now playing a part in his current terrified and anxious state. He has stepped back from a very stressful job, but his system has been on 24 hour alert for so long, that it seems to have set itself to hyper vigilance and so far we have not managed to turn it down or off. He is finding it almost impossible to enjoy the moment and is completely submerged in pointless and unfounded worries about the future.

As is so often the case with such patients, it is only when their lives take a turn for the better and they have an opportunity to relax and enjoy life, that the anxieties surface. It seems the body and mind get so used to being on watch 24 / 7 that they just cannot stand down and relax.

Fortunately his GP has been sensible and sympathetic and I am sure we will win through in the end. I did feel some very valuable work was done in our last session that will have a benefit in the coming days. Fingers crossed, at least. He is such a very likely young man it makes me wish I really did have a magic wand in my toolbox to cure him instantly instead of going through the long and very, very painful process with him.

2011-06-09T10:08:00.000+01:00

I am not a collector. I don't think I have ever had a collection of anything in my life. If you collect, you are ultimately exploited by the providers of the collectibles, it seems to me. I do sometimes like to bring home something from a trip - an ornament, a picture, maybe just a pebble or shell to remind me - maybe that too is a form of collecting.

I am a wanderer, a voyager, a butterfly, a "fly by the seat of my pants" type of person. I react and create. I have faith and intuition. These reflections are in response to an article I have just read in The Garden magazine about foxgloves. I love foxgloves. I played with them a a child, making thimbles and dolls cups, and came to no harm. We have wild ones in the garden now which pop up every year in different places, dappled pink and beautiful. I wonder why one would want to collect dozens of different adaptations when there is so much to enjoy about the original.

Clients say my home is a haven of peace. It is peaceful. It is also wild, structured and calm. Lots of contradictions perhaps, but for me the perfect place. I have lived in this house now for longer than I have ever lived anywhere in my whole life - 18 years in July. And whilst I used to enjoy settling in and adapting each new place, staying in one place has enabled me to develop it into somewhere where I can be completely relaxed and at peace with myself.

A few years ago I was constantly making a statement about me, about my life, my achievements. Now I am relaxed and content within myself and I hope I provide a peaceful, safe place for clients to find their own way to relax and resolve their problems.

2011-06-09T09:56:00.000+01:00

Came back from the US completely chilled but it didn’t take long for life to kick back in. A couple of nights of poor sleep, piles of washing and another suitcase to pack and unpack.... maybe two short trips away were not a good idea right after crossing the Atlantic!

A great session of hypnotherapy with a willing and responsive client can be even more relaxing than a holiday, though, and that’s what I had today. Client so deep and so amazed at the feeling of comfort and relaxation that deep trance induces. As one of two clients have said to me recently, “You could bottle that”. Well, maybe not bottle it, but I can produce an individually tailored CD following a session to maintain the feeling of wellbeing and relaxation.

2011-04-15T16:07:00.002+01:00

Treated a lovely young girl this afternoon for trichotillomania (hair pulling). Such a welcome relief after a week of last minute cancellations and difficult problems. So good to hear from two other clients from way back that just one hypnotherapy session each had dispelled frightening, nightly nightmares and alleviated cystitis. Feedback, good or bad, is often difficult to come by - if clients feel better, they tend to forget they had a problem in the first place! All set up now for a relaxing weekend and ready face next week's challenges......

2011-03-03T08:46:00.002Z

I've lost my hairbrush - you know, the little round one with the red handle. I had it in my hand and then my mobile rang. I answered the call, made another one and now I can't find my hairbrush anywhere. I have retraced my steps a dozen times, looked in its original place - it has truly disappeared completely.
I have had to dry my hair with my stying brush and it was too dry anyway and now its all fly away and fluffy and will remain so the whole day.
I feel quite discombobulated! Happy Thursday! Excuse me while I go and have another search. After all, it MUST be here somewhere! Although they were talking about aliens earlier on BBC Radio 4....... I wonder?

2011-02-16T13:21:00.003Z

A lovely card in the post today from a recent client: "Thank you for your support. During those darkest weeks you were a real lifeline".

The words reminded me that very often it is enough just to be there and to listen, particularly perhaps when a client comes with what seems like an overwhelming problem and I feel almost as helpless as they do. At times like that it really doesn't matter what counselling school you are trained in or what approach you favour, the therapeutic relationship - creating empathy - is everything and enough for that moment. It is only necessary to be there and to contain the client ... and to continue that support from session to session for as long as it's needed.

I know that I often feel I have failed if the client doesn't seem to have got better, moved on, recovered. So it is good to be reminded that just being there can often be enough.

2011-01-17T21:28:00.004Z

About this time last year I treated a client who wanted hypnotherapy to stop smoking. The dominant part of his habit was feeling compelled to smoke as soon as he sat down at his computer to work. He has just sent me the following wonderful testimonial.

"Hello Jose,

I came to see you about a year ago. I’m pleased to report that after a year and one week of quitting smoking I’m still smoke-free. I’ve not lapsed at all and now feel 85% “recovered.”

Although I can’t say for certain how much my session with you helped, I did have quite a vivid recollection of starting at the age of 19 and I held on to your suggestion that I now had a second chance to tell myself I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it back then although I gave in under pressure.

Strangely for me I found I had an actual aversion to smoking at my work desk (I remember you focussed on that because I told you I’d rather quit working than risk starting to smoke again).

Samih, the Tunisian chap who came to your place with his wife, did seem to quit but is now on about 3 a day. He’ll have another bash at it soon.

I’ve saved over £5,000, which I think I owe at least in part to you.

Please feel free to use what I’ve written here to promote your service. Even Samih’s 3-a-day habit is much less than before and I think he'll be back to zero again soon.

All the best, Jeff."

Nothing more to say except: Thank you, Jeff, for your fantastic testimonial and for giving me permission to use it word for word.

2010-12-10T07:29:00.000Z

Accentuate the positive!
I have seen two clients this week who were both completely mired in negativity. They could have spent the whole session telling me what they didn’t want or what was bad about their life or situation.
My role, I believe, is to enable people to discover what they DO want. To get a sense, a picture, a vision if you like of what a good future will look like and to focus on that, developing the idea and expanding it wider and wider, adding detail all the time.
There was never truer expression than, “What we resist, persists”.
So next time you hear yourself saying, “I hate my job/partner/family situation”, ask yourself what your ideal life would look like - what do you love and where do you want to be - and focus on that. You’ll be surprised how empowering an exercise it can be.

2010-11-30T17:52:00.003Z

Awoke on Saturday morning to a faint glimmer of light through the closed curtains and the sound of distant gunfire as the French hunters decimate the wildlife on the Marais du Cotentin! A persistent buzzing emanates from the rafters - a large insect trapped in a small space - let's hope it stays there.

We have come to the Mud Hut on this occasion principally to wage war on the Cluster flies , which have been a real nuisance this year. Having suffered a literal plague in April and October, we researched on the Internet (www.the-piedpiper.co.uk/th6e.htm) and found that they lay their eggs in the bodies of earthworms but roost or overwinter in loft areas or walls. We have always noticed a few flies in the Spring and Autumn but this year they must have invited all their families and friends to share our roof space!

We came armed with a powerful insecticide "bomb" which we set off in the morning and quickly left to work for 3 hours while we vacated the premises. We seem to have caught quite a few flies and will be leaving a milder (and safer) insecticide spray going at intervals for a few weeks to hopefully finish the job. We will also leave bunches of rosemary and bowls of lavender as apparently strong smelling herbs act as a repellent and discourage the flies from entering in the first place.

Sadly we seem to have caused the death of a variety of spiders and other harmless insects: lacewings, a ladybird, a very large wasp and a few moths and shield bugs, which must have also been innocently sheltering in our mud walls and boarded rafters.

Sunday was a beautiful day and we took time off from painting the now not so new shower room to wander over the Marais de Sangsuriere, which we had not explored before. We watched a flock of starlings wheeling and diving in a black cloud, constantly changing shape, and a few sandpipers rose in the air as we walked. The marsh near our house is already flooded, reflecting a blue, blue sky and piles of fluffy white clouds in its icy waters. Beautiful, peaceful, relaxing and restorative.

2010-11-20T15:51:00.003Z

I have been thinking this week a lot about friendships. I am an only child and was kept quite isolated when I was young, only being allowed to mix with children of my parents' friends. I remember this as a really distressing experience, as they knew each other and went to school together and I was a complete outsider.

When I was 9 we moved from Devon to Surrey and I had great trouble making friends at school. Looking back I now see that I really wanted to have one special friend, rather than a group and when I did find a friend, I found it very difficult to share her with others.

This actually carried on throughout my life and up until about two years ago I would have numbered the people I considered my friends on the fingers of one hand. I found it very difficult to share friends with others and also it was hard to be with two special people at the same time - my partner and my best friend, for example. I know years ago I just could not juggle the demands of my father and my then husband.

Recently though I have had a revelation. I am suddenly learning (and I really don't know why or how this change has come about) that I actually have many friends, or certainly people who consider me their friend and whom I am now very happy to call my friends. I have met them through may different activities: sport, work, volunteering, networking and by taking part in my partner's hobbies. I am suddenly finding getting to know people interesting and fun and have never felt so supported and loved... and I am a much happier and more relaxed person as a result. a win - win revelation, you might say.

So, my message, it is important to be aware of other's love and appreciation of you and to value them as special people in your life.

2010-11-03T14:33:00.004Z

I've recently been reminded that it's so easy to slip into patterns of behaviour without even noticing until, one day months or even years down the line, we find ourselves in a place we definitely don't want to be with no idea how we got there. A very frightening experience and one that demands courage and determination to change.

We often blame those around us for where we end up - partner, children, boss or friends - but the reality is we ourselves are to blame and the first step towards getting back the life we really want is to recognise this. I always tell clients who grumble about or blame others in their life for their situation, that in my therapy room we cannot change another person, however much we moan about them. The solution lies within ourselves and what we can change is the way we react to those irritating or destructive others. If we no longer allow them to push our buttons, then there will be no pay off for them in attempting to wind us up or put us down. Likewise, if we forge ahead doing everything the moment it seems to need doing, jumping in and taking control of every situation, then others never have a chance to help - or to shine.

When we decide to take a back seat at least some of the time and allow others to develop and show their skills, everyone will be happier and we will have more time to take care of ourselves and enjoy some of the fun and replenishing activities we haven't had time for for quite a while.

Ask yourself if this is you. If it is, then acknowledge what changes you need to make to take care of yourself as well as those around you.

2010-10-18T15:57:00.000+01:00

Technology - doesn't it drive you mad! I have a beautiful new computer (64 bit apparently). I am very, very pleased with it - Windows 7 and all that - but annoyingly it won't allow my Blackberry to sync with my Outlook. As I am booking in clients from week to week, it get quite paranoid about losing my phone, dropping it into the dishwasher or slamming it in the car door, and losing all my contacts and appointments. Then I had the brilliant idea of syncing to an on line calendar ..... and I did! Grateful thanks to Philip of www.zuuMedia.com who was kind and patient to give me advice on how to do this. Philip's company, zuuMedia.com, provides technical support remotely to small and medium size businesses for a very reasonable monthly fee and I can certainly recommend him.

2010-10-05T15:18:00.000+01:00

Last week I received a wonderful testimonial from a client who came to see me recently to lose weight. I find that there is almost always other work to be done before any intervention to lose weight can be successful. Sometimes just listening is all that is needed. At other times a gentle hypnotherapy intervention where the client can explore his or her own emotions and reconcile them will need to be done first. Here are my client's comments:

Well you said its not magic but I'm beginning to wonder!! I feel really great and I've not eaten a single piece of chocolate or cake since we met. I did the dreaded deed and bought myself a weighing scales last Saturday. it was difficult for me but I faced the truth and I've lost 4 pounds just this week. I have that marvellous sensation that something is happening after all these years. My colleagues are amazed because a large amount of chocolate comes through our office. Its not even as if I'm trying to resist the temptation, I'm just not interested.

A really lovely outcome for a really lovely lady who was so willing to work and to bring about change within herself!

2010-09-25T13:25:00.000+01:00

Last night I attended a fashion show put on my four young students from a local comprehensive school. In October 2007 two of the present team set up a Young Enterprise company within the school to produce custom clothing for initially friends and later teams and local businesses. I was one of the two YE volunteer business advisers who helped them get off the ground. The company had a managing director and a creative director but struggled initially to get others to commit to managerial roles. They now have a team of four working well together.

Last night was a triumph. The company has gone from strength and a selection of the orders they have recently received were modelled. The show was in aid of cancer research and was attended by about 200 people.

I have also been involved with another school locally where all the students I encountered we polite, interesting and talented. Surrey Chambers of Commerce have set up a Young Chamber in this school and it is working well.

As a counsellor I also see a proportion of young people ranging in age from 5 to early twenties. Again, although they come with difficult issues which are troubling them, they are without exception excellent young people with very special talents and a desire to overcome their problems and succeed in life.

We are so ready in Britain to put down our young people and complain about them. We never read about the clever and successful ones in the newspapers or hear them on radio or TV. Obviously bad kids are good news in that they sell papers and attract viewers and listeners. So I would like to raise a rousing cheer for all those young people out there who are doing a wonderful job and who are our future.

2010-09-14T12:47:00.000+01:00

The sun is fading along with our tans and the season of “mists and mellow fruitfulness” is upon us. Actually I really love autumn –the smells, the colours, those gossamer floating cobwebs that brush your face in the mornings and, of course, the fruits. And it seems that this year there really is an abundance of fruits. I have already made green tomato chutney and plum jam and now have a huge bag of pears to turn into some kind of preserve. At the moment I have not quite decided what. The resident blackbird is attacking the Pyracantha berries with gusto and the blue tits seem to have found something delicious to eat amongst the silver birch twigs. I hope supplies last through the winter!

The cooler, shorter days never seem so hard to adjust to when they follow a wonderful summer like this one. Apart from the lovely weather we enjoyed in England, we also deviated from our normal routine and spent two weeks in Provence in August, a 40th birthday party with extended family from all corners of the world. Given the complications of our family situation, the potential for disaster was enormous but everything went swimmingly, literally, as much time was spent in and around the pool and on a marathon canoe trip down the River Drome. Well done Sam (12) for finishing up front with the leaders and also to Judith who completed it single handed despite her disability.) The weather was beautiful every day and the trips down and back by car also very enjoyable. We stayed in a wonderful hotel at Meaulne near Bourges where the food was exquisite and the atmosphere welcoming and comfortable. I do love travelling through France, although sadly we missed the sunflower and lavender season.

Sadly too, my older daughter could not join us from America but we all toasted her and talked about her so I hope she felt included and loved.

There was quite a dearth of clients during August but with the advent of September, numbers are building again as people return from their holidays back to the same old problems and same old routine. Prior to the holiday I was dealing with some challenging issues with clients: affaires and divorce, mental abuse and bullying at work. These latter two can all be as damaging if not more than physical abuse, as the injuries do not show on the outside, and I do encourage anyone being treated badly in any way to seek help quickly before the abuser really gets the upper hand, saps you will and confidence and renders you powerless. It happens so subtly. Be on your guard.

2010-07-26T19:40:00.001+01:00

A client asked me today if she could use the F word. Of course you can, I replied. Sometimes the F word is the only f*>x%?g word that will do, isn't it? Let it go. Express it. Believe me, in my therapy room there are no words I haven't heard. Express yourself in safety in whatever what you need to.

2010-07-26T17:32:00.000+01:00

Two amazing clients today, living with experiences which are almost unimaginable. One has reminded me that abuse takes many different forms. It cannot always be detected by bruises on the outside. Psychological abuse shows no outward signs but can be equally if not more damaging. It works in the same way, leading the abused person to lose all belief in themselves, their self worth and likability.
If you are being abused or know someone who you suspect is the victim of either physical domestic violence or psychological abuse, I have found that the police can be very understanding and helpful, certainly in my area. They will be able to make referrals to appropriate agencies locally, certainly in the UK, who can give advice and practical help.

No matter what we may have done, we all deserve to be listened to and treated with respect.

2010-07-07T21:08:00.000+01:00

Please, please, please spare me from people who don't speak their mind. I cannot bear all this pussy-footing around in my personal and business life. With clients it's different. It takes patient exploration to get to the truth. That's my skill and what I'm paid for.

But, if someone has a problem or an issue with me or my business life, then please talk to me about it. We can listen and understand each other, clear up misconceptions, talk things through. It beggars belief what assumptions have been made this week from perfectly innocent remarks, emails and conversations. If you are concerned about something, raise it, talk about it, seek clarification, speak to people who know the truth, the origins. I know I am guilty of the same thing, but it is a very valuable lesson to learn.

Don't make assumptions, don't make 2+2 add up to 105. It helps no-one, least of all yourself.

2010-07-01T16:03:00.001+01:00

Brilliant supervision session. Problems aired, mind cleared, decisions made. Action planned - already begun in fact. Also great news that we have a new supporter for my charity, www.homestartwoking.org.uk with a generous donation to our funds. Feeling so much more buoyant. A weight off my shoulders.

2010-07-01T08:39:00.000+01:00

Goodness me, I'm beginning to sound like a grumpy old woman! Am off to "dump" some of my client problems on my supervisor and have arranged a session of hypnotherapy for myself with a colleague next week. Self hypnosis is all very well - worked brilliantly for me when I played my tennis matches - but there's nothing like putting yourself in the skilled hands of another trusted therapist.
Meanwhile, a lovely weekend if France to look forward to..... with interesting places to visit and surprises in store, I'm promised.

2010-06-29T11:41:00.001+01:00

I have been saddened of late by so many clients who are allowing themselves to be put under insupportable stress in order to maintain a lifestyle. To step down from two people earning to just one seems to be an adjustment most new families simply do not have the luxury of contemplating, let alone achieving. Many couples work long hours, leaving their child or children to be brought up in nursery care or by a child minder.
Please don't get me wrong - I am not making a judgement here. I didn't take readily to motherhood myself and was soon on the look out for a part time job to relive the unremitting boredom of being with baby, and later babies. But parents (and either mother or father could be the main carer of the children) seem to spend so little time day to day with their children and sometimes, even when they do, they are totally focused on achievement and development rather than on play and having fun together.
The world seems to be giving us the message that we must have everything new and up to date, that simply enjoying a child's company is not enough. We must be making sure they are stimulated and entertained all their waking hours. My own children spent hours playing imaginary games in the garden, getting dirty, sometimes helping their Dad. We holidayed in England until they were 8 and 10, going to the seaside every year where again they spent days on end trawling through pools, climbing the rocks and making sand castles. Yes, we did visit nearby attractions, but not daily. Later we ventured to France, camping near a lake or by the sea, continuing until they began to plan holidays themselves with friends. Life seemed so simple then.
Yes, we were short of money. I worked for a charity and earned relatively little. But I think we were not only happy but content. They survived divorce and moving to a smaller home without obvious damage. My children look back fondly on their childhood, and both have children of their own now who are being brought up in a very similar way.
I wonder what we could do to change the "have it all" culture that seems to prevail now. We would all be so much happier, content, in fact.

2010-06-24T12:32:00.000+01:00

AND ... I seem to be feeling incredibly creaky. Maybe my low mood is affecting my physical body too. Rest and relaxation is what is need ... and that right soon.

2010-06-24T12:16:00.000+01:00

Clearly the gods are not smiling on me at the moment, or perhaps the planets are out of alignment. It seems every other client is cancelling, not attending, not responding, not paying - the going is hard.

I am surprised at just how much this has affected my mood in the last week and I am looking forward to my one to one supervision in a few days. When things like this happen, it is difficult to hold on to the good feedback and remain positive about my skills.

The situation is made worse by the problems current clients are presenting with, which are all heavy and in the category of "only time will heal": relationship breakdown, bereavement, job losses. I know my role is a valuable one for them, in that in some cases I am the only person they have talked to about their situation and also that they can say things to me that they could not say to friends or family members without feeling disloyal or judged, and get in touch with emotions they keep hidden from their nearest and dearest in order to appear strong and to protect children and family, for example.

It makes me reflect on the importance of my regular supervision sessions and also be thankful for the cheerful, chatty,irreverent social networking on facebook which lightens my mood. It's great to be in touch with such a variety of people and share their jokes and quips and view of events both personal and public.

Looking forward to a complete break away next weekend - an opportunity just to be me. I really feel I will have earned it!

2010-04-30T15:21:00.001+01:00

I have two brilliant clients at the moment, both so committed to change, which is, of course, why they have come to Mind to Change!
They each have a weight issue: one is clinically obese and literally eating herself into an early grave, whilst the other is bulimic. Body image is a difficult problem for both of them in different ways. One has a no concept of her body, has always seen herself as overweight and has now eaten herself to the size she believed was predicted for her by her father. The second woman, and they are both women, is slim and attractive but has a completely distorted view of physical self. Two sides of the same coin, you might say.
As always with weight problems, there are deep, underlying issues stemming from way back - casual remarks, cruel words, lack of parental love - can all mean that people will either feed or starve themselves, causing actual physical harm and danger to their mental well being and happiness, filling, starving or harming themselves as a result of what happened in the past.
Today I used a regression technique which for one particular client was very powerful indeed.
She also told me that, while she thought our second session had not been as effective as the first, the learning from it has been developing and increasing over the intervening time between our sessions.
The important thing is that both clients are completely committed to overcoming their problems and my aim is to help them both to find a new, healthy relationship with food that no longer means using it as a punishment, reward, means of allaying anxiety or mood enhancer.

2010-02-14T17:07:00.000Z

The teacher at my gym class this week asked if we were all "injury free". Several members of about my age and stage laughed hollowly....

My right knee has been dodgy since I wobbled off my high heels carrying a large cider bag in a box down the path to the car in November. My left shoulder got better during my Pilates retreat in September, but now the right one has stiffened up! Both my next to big toes are numb and I have a touch of tennis elbow! My left knee gives the odd twinge and I must have hurt my thumb when I fell over skiing as that now aches in the cold. I think "injury free" might be a synonym for dead!!!

2010-01-27T16:50:00.001Z

I belong to a women's networking group called Athena. The Guildford branch meets at L'Auberge in Clandon and meetings are always very enjoyable and informative and, in the 18 months since I joined, have proved very productive for both in terms of sharing ideas and support and in actually attracting new clients to my practice.
Today we had a wonderful speaker who had built her own business, www.chocchick.com. A brilliant idea! What could be nicer than making your own chocolate - with ingredients which actually do you good rather than harm - or giving a Choc Chick Kit to your chocoholic friends with a completely clear conscience, knowing they will not only have fun but also enjoy health benefits. Check out this fun website and make your own delicious, healthy chocolate today!

2010-01-27T16:41:00.000Z

One of my clients was killed last week in a road accident. I felt very sad as he was a genuine, caring man who had worked hard in his counselling sessions and was really beginning to feel positive again about his future. He clearly had a very good relationship with his wife and she was understandably devasted when she rang to give me the terrible news.
My immediate thought was to send her a card, but then all the issues of boundaries and confidentiality came flooding into my mind. I decided to go with my first reaction, however, and sent her a card, telling her that I knew my client loved her deeply and referred to her as "his rock". It was so much the right thing to do. She contacted me to tell me the card arrived at a particulary low moment and was a great help and comfort to her. I am so glad I went with my instincts and responded in this way.

2009-11-25T15:43:00.000Z

Many of my clients are referred through their company's employee assistance programme for brief, solution focused therapy. They will typically have only 6 sessions, so we need to work quickly to identify the problem and find ways to deal with it so that, at the end of the 6 sessions, the client is ready to move on with their life. To do this I use hypnotherapeutic and NLP techniques, as well as those from my original person centred counselling training. Each intervention is tailored to the individual client.

Some clients seem to be overwhelmed with several problems, so we need to identify which one to work on to make the most difference in their life. Often when one problem is resolved, the others will go away or work themselves out without further intervention.

Recently a client has asked for extra sessions. His company gives a generous allocation of eight hours but at the second session he was already worrying he would not be "better" before we had to end. This indicates to me that he thinks I have a magic wand that I can wave over him to "cure" him of his stress and depression. Of course, neither counselling nor hypnotherapy work like this. The client has to be engaged, committed and willing to make changes which may be difficult and sometimes painful, to bring about a change in their situation.

If the client is complaining about a partner, friend or child, of course we cannot change that person. What we can change is the way the client responds to or approaches them. Very often they will be having the same old argument over and over again. So they need to find a different way of responding, so their protagonist cannot keep repeating their pattern of behaviour and the circuit is broken.

And this is what I can help my clients to do, either through the use of hypnotherpy or brief counselling skills. Sometimes just talking about a problem to a non judgemental third party lessens its weight and importance. Once it is out of the client's head, there seems to be free space in the mind to come up with a solution.

So, if you don't like what you're getting, change what you're doing or, if you can't change something, then change the way you think about it......

.... with the help of Mind to Change.

2009-10-28T17:52:00.000Z

I have seen several clients recently who are finding that their lack of confidence is holding them back, either socially or in their work. Often they manage to put on a good act, prepare well for meetings and presentations, for example, but live in fear of being "found out"... Their fear is that: "Someone will realise I can't really do this job".

Hypnotherapy can really help to boost confidence and self belief by focusing on the positive. Many people forget all the good things and dwell only on mistakes and failures in their lives.

So, take a positive step today to turn your life around. At the end of each day, write down in a diary or special note book, three good things that have happened to you. Even if sometimes you feel you can only find something very small - a smile from a fellow passenger on the train, for example, WRITE IT DOWN.
And, if you have a mind to change.... contact me: jose@mindtochange.co.uk

2009-10-18T16:07:00.001+01:00

Fantastic day in the garden today. Roger has been potting up his winter pansies (don't ask!) and I massacred the philadelphus - a job long overdue. Now we can sit back with a cup of tea and enjoy.
Had a series of great photographs taken this week to update my website, ecademy and so on. The photographer, Samantha Jones (www.samjonesphotography.co.uk) was excellent. She gave some good suggestions beforehand, made me feel totally relaxed and the orchard setting on a beautiful autumn day added to the feeling of ease. I am delighted with the results and can thoroughly recommend her.
I love the autumn and this is going to be a good one, I think. So many fruits of every description and the leaves are magnificent. The conditions must be just right, I think. I am determined to make time this week to visit Wisley Garden to enjoy the magnificent tree there they call the "Wisley Bonfire". It is a sight to behold at this time of year - nature at her glorious best.

2009-10-12T08:03:00.000+01:00

Played tennis with the club coach and his wife in our regular Sunday foursome this morning. We were only marginally beaten this week – 6-4, 6-3: excellent games with long rallies. We must be improving.

Decided to annoy Roger later by wearing my leggings – amongst his pet hates are: women in leggings, skiing in Austria, ready meals, BMWs (especially those little squat sports models), me with highlights…... the list goes on.

Roger cooked an interesting supper from Nigel Slater. Good fish – haddock with bacon. We had bought a squash to accompany it which was obviously intended to be admired rather than consumed as it was fibrous and tasteless. Ah well, I always have been seduced by appearances!

Looking forward to the American invasion in a couple of weeks. Must make coffee…..

2009-09-16T14:24:00.001+01:00

I have just spent a fantastic 5 days in Italy on a Pilates Retreat. We flew to Perugia with Ryanair (no frills, but fine) where Sarah (http://www.sarahpilates.com/) had hired a van to take us to La Preghiera, a beautiful renovated monastery in the Umbrian countryside (http://www.lapreghiera.com/). The staff were attentive and helpful and the setting was beautiful. Our morning class was held in the chapel and the evening class on the sunny terrace. We were sustained with a wonderful brunch each day and spent free time relaxing by the swimming pool in the gentle sunshine.

On Saturday 5 of us had a cookery lesson and in the evening were able to enjoy the fruits of our toils - a 5 course meal accompanied by local wine. I think life may be a little too short to make fresh pasta on a regular basis, but it was interesting to see how it's done and I have tried out some of the other recipes with great success since my return.

Now I feel completely relaxed and ready to face my ever increasing client load. Certainly the economic downturn seems to have put many people under pressure as more and more clients present with work based stress, anxiety and panic attacks, bullying by managers and colleagues, sleeping problems and depression.

2009-06-25T15:32:00.000+01:00

I had a wonderful experience yesterday at a networking lunch which I must share. I had treated one of the members of the group for a spider phobia some weeks ago but had had no feedback from her. Yesterday she stood up and read the following testimonial:

"I had a fear of spiders which was so bad it affected my everyday life. What if in lifting that cup out of the cupboard a spider drops out? Just seeing a spider on a piece of paper made me feel physically sick and very upset. Jose Penrose, however, convinced me that life did not have to be like that, if you have a "mind to change"! It had never occurred to me that I could take control and do something positive about this situation.
Convinced that she could help me, I booked a hypnotherapy session. It was wonderful. Jose listened intently to my irrational fears and made me feel at ease discussing something I found very difficult. I have as yet not come across the dreaded beast but I do know that I am now not worrying about what will happen. It does not fill me with fear.
This morning I had a yoga lesson outside on the grass and, along with everyone else I casually took off my shoes and socks and stepped onto the grass without even thinking about what might be lurking in the grass. That to me is priceless. That you, Jose. I will recommend your service to all my friends and colleagues."

What a boost to my confidence - and a confirmation of the effectiveness of hypnotherapy, particularly in the treatment of phobias, panic attacks and other anxiety related problems. My client must, of course, remain anomymous, but I do thank her so much for her excellent recommendation.

2009-06-04T17:24:00.000+01:00

A wealth of interesting new clients have come my way recently - clients who have contacted me direct rather than through their EAP providers. A woman with a spider phobia, an insomniac, someone who feared she was losing control of her weight and, last week, a fear of travelling accompanied by severe nausea. This last client felt her life was closing down i.e. that the phobia was preventing her doing many things she would really like to be doing now she has the opportunity and the resources. Her phobia and nausea were closely related to smell and, indeed, she could start to feel ill and panicky as soon as she opened the suitcases to start packing. She suffered from actual motion sickness but it seemed that she was less concerned about that aspect, which she could control with medication, than about the panic and fear which began even as she contemplated a trip.
She attended one treatment session and I subsequently made her a personalised CD and she is delighted with the result:
"Attached is photographic evidence that I went flying for the first time in X's light aircraft! Quite ridiculously, I decided to agree to make my first flight all the way to France for lunch!
X was going anyway and half-jokingly suggested I come with him - the idea didn't fill me with dread at all, which I attribute wholly to our session!
Thank you again for all your help, I may well be back soon to build on the progress I have made."
We can all do with a little relaxation in our lives, even if we do not feel we are suffering from any particular problem. From time to time I see a colleague for a counselling and healing session to restore my own equilibrium. A few weeks ago she said she felt I had lost the spiritual element in my life and recommended a young woman who is a medium. I was dubious but booked an appointment and the experience was wonderful. It is hard to describe what happened in the session but, whatever it was, it felt totally authentic and was uplifting and transforming. I have come away with a spring in my step and a much lighter heart. And with some new views and answers to questions which I have long been pondering in my own life. Please contact me if you would like more information.

2009-04-09T10:01:00.000+01:00

I have recently been seeing a client who was suffering severe anxiety and panic attacks following an attack of vestibular neuronitis which affects the vestibular nerve and can also affect the eyes, causing nystagmus or involuntary eye movements. The onset had been sudden and very frightening and, although he was fairly quickly reassured once arriving in hospital that it was not life threatening and would pass, the symptoms had continued at a lower level for some time and he was in constant fear of a further severe attack.
He was uncomfortable playing golf and unable to do normal chores such as cutting the lawn without becoming tired and anxious.
I suggested to him that we use the "fast phobia cure" or "visual kinesthetic dissociation technique" to treat what was, in fact, a form of PTSD surrounding his initial attack. We did this, including some deep relaxation and metaphorical story telling, and, after just one session, the improvement in both his physical and mental well being was dramatic.
I feel it is really deplorable, when the effectiveness of this technique is now so well documented, that it is not routinely offered as the treatment of choice for victims of trauma, particularly to our own military personnel. To find out more about the technique, visit the Human Givens website or http://www.mindfields.org.uk.

2009-04-09T09:50:00.000+01:00

We have just returned from a brilliant trip to Australia, taking in Hong Kong and Bintan in our travels. The purpose was to attend a wedding in Milawa, in the "gourmet region" of Victoria, about 3 hours north of Melbourne. There we found not only Brown Brothers winery but also a cheese factory, olive shop and many other tasty delights, as well as wonderful hospitality and excellent food.
On our way up from Melbourne we stayed at Chateau Yering, described as an historic house hotel (www.chateauyering.com.au). Our room was delightful, the bathroom vast and we had the most exquisite meal in the conservatory restaurant. Situated in the Yarra Valley, the Yering Vineyard was just next door. Sadly we had no time for a tasting but we put that right when we reached Milawa and had lunch at Brown Brothers accompanied by a variety of wines to taste.
In Milawa we stayed at another excellent hotel, the LindenWarrah (www.lindenwarrah.com.au) where the wedding reception was also held. The staff there could not have been more attentive and helpful and the food too was very good.
Now we are safely home - and it is quite nice to finally unpack the suitcase and, above all, sleep in my own comfortable bed!

2009-03-10T17:51:00.000Z

What a stressful day! When I have days like this I always think of the words, Physician, heal thyself! I have no idea who said it, but if only I could remain calm and collected. There seems to be so much stress about these days - the is almost rattling with it.

I had a breakfast meeting at 8 am so had set the alarm for 7. At 6.30 I was rudely awakened by my husband doing an impression of Tigger jumping up and down. With the story of the rampaging kangaroo in the news yesterday fresh in my mind, I thought he must be fighting off an intruder or wrestling with the cat. No, he just had cramp. Aaaargh. Couldn't he have had it quietly. That extra half an hour would have made so much difference to the day.

Feeling quite informed and inspired by my early meeting - and now fully awake - I set off to gather some information required to complete a form for charity registration of an organisation of which I am a trustee. More jangling and skills needed here to calm and reassure. I arrived home, concerned and disoriented, wondering how best to deal with the situation, only to find my driveway surrounded by EDF vans, milling workmen and with a large hole being gouged by a small digger. AND the dustbin (not the recycling one but the smelly rubbish one) had not been emptied. Aaaargh again.

The workmen were sympathetic and helpful though, as was the council who came and emptied the bin within a couple of hours, despite promising only "within the next 24 hours". Praise where praise is due and I know just how easy it is only to see the negative in the day.

The jarring continued - muddles over holiday dates to be sorted, too much to fit into too little time, making what should be a relaxing break into a dash from one place to another.

Then..... an afternoon of calming clients slowed me down and relaxed me too. Maybe that is where the "heal thyself" comes in as I certainly do love and benefit from the work I do.

A jangly evening though. Where does all that stuff come from sometimes that pours unexpectedly from deep within ourselves? Suddenly the tap is turned and it all just comes gushing out.

Looking forward to tomorrow - a walk with a good friend in the fresh air to hopefully restore my equilibrium and get some perspective on my life at the moment. What this space!

2009-02-26T15:01:00.000Z

I have recently joined the Athena Network, an inspirational networking organisation for women in business. The meetings are supportive as well as practical - check it out. There is bound to a group near you.

At our lunch this week the talk was inevitably about the alleged recession, how it was affecting us individually and what we could do to protect ourselves from its effects on our own lives.
As you know, I am already working with people who have been affected by redudancy or unplanned early retirement to help them change what may seem a body blow into an opportunity to set off on a new exciting road.

Many people out there who are still in a job will also be being affected by stress. Maybe they are in a role they dislike or find unfulfilling but are scared to seek a change in the uncertain economic climate. Or perhaps they are being put under ever increasing pressure to deliver in the wake of staff cuts. Whatever the situation, more and more people are experiencing increased stress which can be so detrimental to health so I am pleased to offer you my Ten Top Tips for Stress Reduction in your busy life:

1. Write down the things that are worrying you. If you are harbouring resentful or angry feelings, write them down and (safely) burn or shred the paper. This extra step will increase the purging therapeutic effect.

2. Keep things in perspective. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” It’s seldom a matter of life and death!

3. Stop what you’re doing and focus on your breathing. Observe the breath entering and leaving your body. Can you feel it brushing your lip? Can you feel you chest rising a falling? Notice other sensations in your body. Bring them into your awareness and observe them. Let tension leave tight muscles as you breathe out.

4. As you being to feel more relaxed, try a visualisation. Maybe you can imagine walking along beside a wide, gently flowing river. Hear the breeze in the trees, the song of the birds, the water rippling by, see the white clouds scudding across the blue summer sky, feel the warm sun on your shoulders. Maybe there is the scent of pines or flowers in the air. As you walk, put your hands into your pockets and pull out one by one the rocks you are carrying which are weighing you down. Throw them far out into the river, watching the ripples spread as the stones disappear one by one without trace. When you have thrown the last rock into the river as far out as you can, walk on feeling lighter and freer than you have felt for a very long time. Once again, enjoy your beautiful, relaxing surroundings until you feel ready to come back and be present in the present.

5. Take some exercise, a brisk walk, punch the punch bag at the gym. Exercise is a great way of getting rid of anger and tension.

6. Take a moment to write down three good things that have happened to you today. Did someone make you smile? Did you have an easy journey to work? It’s so easy to focus on all the negative stuff and block out the positive. Make a conscious effort to bring positive to mind.

7. Remember, What we resist persists. Focus on what you do want, not on all the stuff you don’t want.

8. Learn to say, “No”. Or, if not “no”, then at least, “Yes, but not right now”. Your time is valuable. You are valuable. Don’t overload yourself just to please others. You will be the only one to lose.

9. Get involved in a voluntary activity to help others. You will feel good and develop a sense of belonging and being appreciated which is so important to a flagging self esteem.

10. Plan a treat for yourself – a meal out, a massage, an evening with good friends. Something to look forward to just for you. To coin a very hackneyed phrase, “You deserve it”.

2009-02-20T18:09:00.000Z

Now that I am reassured that I am fine - although I knew deep down I was, it was good to have it confirmed - I am inspired to give you two thoughts for the weekend:

No. 1 is from Charles Darwin, whose theory is so often misquoted as "the survival of the fittest". In fact he said, ‘It is not the strongest species that survive, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.’

And change is what coaching is all about. Establishing the beliefs and values that are important to you and moving forward to a position where those beliefs and values are reflected in both your working and your personal life.

Quote No. 2 - "It is impossible to get a toehold on success by acting like a heel". Back to those values and beliefs, I think.

Enjoy the weekend!

2009-02-18T14:04:00.000Z

I am obviously being tested on living with uncertainty. I had planned to write in this blog again after my oncology follow up on 13th January. I had had my blood test and was all geared up to attend when the appointment was cancelled because the consultant was ill with 'flu. I quickly received a new appointment, only to have that one cancelled too because of the unexpected snow fall. My blood test is now more than a month old and my new appointment on 17th February. Ah well, at least I feel well and am busy and fulfilled ....

...and have lots of plans to promote my coaching work - http://www.lifecoach-taliesin.co.uk/ - focusing on clients whose roles have become redundant or who have been forced into unplanned retirement because of the current economic downturn.

In fact I would like to coach anyone facing any kind of change in their life. Change can be such a fantastic opportunity to set out on a new and different path, whatever your age or stage. It can present a chance to use hitherto untried skills, realise dreams or fulfull a long held ambition.

All it takes to turn the negative into a positive experience is a good listener who knows how uncover and develop the very best in you. Take at look at my http://www.lifecoach-taliesin.co.uk/ website and contact me direct for more information and an informal chat.

2009-01-29T16:59:00.000Z

I was at a most interesting meeting on Monday - Weybridge ecademy's "Last Monday Club". The speaker, Greg Suart, (http://www.ecademy.com/account.php?id=204866) held all our attention with his "outside the box" ideas but one which really stuck in my mind, and which I will be sharing with many of my clients from now on was, when a problem seems insoluble or you have a task to undertake and just have no idea how to begin it, then forget the whys and hows and focus fully on the desired outcome. Take time to get a real sense of how your life will be when the problem is solved or the goal achieved and you will find that the means of achieving success will take care of itself. Of course, this tip will already be know to all those of you out there who have studied NLP, but it is worth remembering .... It's so easy to forget what we know in moments of panic!

2008-09-09T14:28:00.001+01:00

Well, I have finally completed my 12 sessions of chemotherapy and had my PICC line removed yesterday. What a relief. I am quite proud of myself for surviving it so well but it was beginning to take a toll psychologically towards the end. Walking into that hospital with all its strange smells, pumps and bags of chemo and knowing that I would come out feeling not better but worse was really hard to deal with - much harder in fact than the physical effects of the treatment. This morning I was able to bath with abandon, no longer having to worry about keeping my right arm above the water - what a blessed relief.

In contrast to the debilitating physical and psychological effects of the treatment, I have nothing but praise for the staff of the chemotherapy ward. They were unfailingly helpful, considerate, efficient and informative. In fact all the treatment I have received under the NHS, which so many people choose to denigrate, has been brilliant. Sometimes in Britian we forget to talk up the good stuff, being all to ready to dwell on the bad.

That's something I regularly tell my clients, particularly those presenting with depression. I set them the task of buying a special diary and faithfully recording at the end of each day at least three good things that have happened to them, even if it was just a smile from a passer by. It is just so easy to dwell on the negative aspects of the day. Likewise, if you make a bad shot or move in your chosen sport, don't fear making another bad one. Immediately turn your attention to the last brilliant shot you made and focus on that. It will unfailingly lift your mood and improve your performance. Try it out. It works.

2008-07-18T13:39:00.001+01:00

A couple of weeks ago I sent out one of my regular evaluation forms to clients I have seen in the past 6 - 9 months. I do this to get feed back from clients on a range of things such as suitability of my premises, ease of getting an appointment, successful outcome of therapy provided, whether any unexpected changes or benefits have occurred following the sessions with me. This enables me to make adjustments and improvements to my techniques and to assess what worked well and what did not.

Even though I supply a self addressed, stamped envelope with each letter, the return rate of the evaluation is usually pretty low, around 3%. However, on this occasion in the first few days I was delighted to receive a 10% response, with replies still coming in. Comments have all been positive with a weight loss client remarking: "It was so good to talk in a relaxed atmosphere to another woman and get answers to some questions that had been troubling me." From a young man devastated by the shocking and unexpected death of his father: "Talking through the sudden loss of my father and its impact on the family has been a great help. I was very impressed by Jose and her style." From a nurse who had had some difficulties with her employer, including the threat of redundancy: "Six weeks after completing my counselling I was back in my previous role but in another speciality and am now better placed career wise than before. Thank you."

It is good to receive feedback, more so, of course, if it is positive. It's interesting that sometimes when I feel I have achieved nothing with a client, they report back later that they have been able to make great changes for the better in their lives. I honestly believe that many people talk about their problems - to family, friends and colleagues - but they very seldom feel heard whereas I, as a trained counsellor and hypnotherapist with many years experience now behind me, am able to give them the "unconditional, positive regard" talked about by Carl Rogers and certainly also practiced by the great hypnotherapist, Milton Erickson on whose work my own therapeutic practice is firmly based. I read recently the quotation, by whom I do not know, "To talk is to heal." And this is so true. Clients often say that, having unloaded many of their troubles in the first therapy session where they really feel heard, they then have so much more energy to deal with life. It's as if space is freed up in the brain which can be put to good use.

Of course, I really believe it is important to tailor the therapeutic approach to the individual client and study and experience of many different techniques means I can readily do this, using Emotional Freedom Technique, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Time Line Therapy, Hypnotherapy and Counselling skills as appropriate, combined with deep relaxation, guided imagery and visualisation to enable clients to bring about changes very safely.

To ensure the safety of all my clients, and maintain my own mental wellbeing, I receive regular one to one supervision from a qualified supervisor with whom I can discuss my clients without identifying them. In addition I convene a Peer Support Group for local hypnotherapists in Guildford, Woking and surrounding areas where again, we may bring client issues, anonymously, of course, and also demonstrate and discuss new or particularly successful techniques we have tried. Members of this group are all hypnotherapists but most also practice in another area as well. For example we have a herbalist, a reflexologist, a healer, and an analytical hypnotherapist. In both areas of supervision, complete client confidentiality is assured.

If you would like more information about my work or about the Supervision/Peer Support Group, which is accredited by the General Hypnotherapy Register, please email me at jose@mindtochange.co.uk.

2008-07-18T08:39:00.000+01:00

Last night I went on a very enjoyable "Netwalk" with Ecademy's Breath of Fresh Air Club. The walk was organised by Jenny Littlejohn of www.biglifecoaching.co.uk and Tom Evans of www.psycademy.co.uk. The walk was not a strenuous one, along the banks of the River Wey at Guildford. Participants broke into groups of 4 or 5 and each person had twenty minutes to talk about a business problem they are currently facing. The other members of the group then brainstormed solutions. This open air thinking combined with a healthy walk in the countryside brings forth some brilliant resolution of problems and members always come away re-enthused and invigorated. The evening is complete with a pleasant meal and drink or two at a local pub where further networking and exchange of ideas takes place.

For more information contact either of the above organisers - an evening to be recommended. More strenuous walks are also arranged in the Surrey Hills or in the early morning, finishing with a hearty networking breakfast.

2008-06-23T16:27:00.000+01:00

Six treatments behind me now and gearing up for the seventh, I am surprised to find my attitude to the chemotherapy has very much changed for the better. I felt quite different when entering the hospital last time and that seems to be reflected in the way I reacted to the chemotherapy. I had visited my friend, Bridget of Healing House for a further healing treatment, http://www.healing-house.co.uk/. She combines many different techniques and is very intuitive and I have found her help invaluable. Visualisation is such a powerful tool that we can all use to help our bodies heal and recover as well as increase confidence, motivation and generally increase the "feel good factor" in our lives.
With Bridget's help, I have been reflecting on why I might have got the cancer in the first place and changes I can choose to make in my life. A lot stems from my relationship with my mother and, once I had reflected and acknowledged this, I began to see things from a different perspective. The recent visit of a very dear friend from the US has increased my understanding and has also introduced new ideas I can use with my own clients, of which I seem to have a steady stream at the moment.
I have have found a new enthusiasm and motivation for treating clients and am full of new ideas at the moment. The small Peer Support Group for hypnotherapists which meets at my home regularly is also a source of support and inspiration. It is so valuable to share ideas and techniques with others and this group works well as we all have different specialities - healing, herbalism, life coaching, reflexology - but are also all hypnotherapists. At our meeting last week we were discusing the value of being able to incorporate a range of different treatments - Time Line, Emotional Freedom Technique, Eye Movement Desensitisation, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Hypnotherapy, Neuro Linguistic Programming to name but a few - into our work with clients. If you are interested in finding out more about this group or how to set one up yourself, then please contact me through my website, http://www.mindtochange.co.uk/.

2008-05-29T14:21:00.000+01:00

Two more months down the line and 5 chemotherapy treatments behind me, I have nothing but praise for the hospital staff who have treated me. Being consulted and informed all the way along the line has made the treatment much easier to cope with and also meeting many, many other people in the same boat has been very helpful. My life has gone on more or less normally. I can't get to the gym so often as I just don't have the energy right after treatments but I am keeping it up as much as possible and have managed to play tennis twice. The PICC line in my arm doesn't seem to mind my working with weights and wielding a tennis racquet so that's a bonus. We have made more effort to do enjoyable things between treatments and have had two lovely trips to France. Friends and family have been very kind and supportive and I have learned a lot about myself in the process. I understand a lot more about friendship and how we can relate to many different people on many different levels, all helpful stuff when working with clients in the future.
I have just read a brilliant book, Mosters and Magical Sticks by Stephen Heller which has also lead me to be more adverturous in my treatments, particularly in the use of anchors.
Well, enough for now. Study calls.

2008-03-31T18:56:00.000+01:00

Once again 3 months have passed since addressing my blog - three months during which I have been on a steep learning curve both about myself and others. After a fantastic trip to New York in early December, we enjoyed a wonderful family Christmas. Sarah came home from Carolina with her two smashing boys and Christmas dinner was cooked to perfection by my younger daughter, Heather and her family. We all had a great time together and family bonds were greatly strengthened.
Our lovely Christmas was followed by a brilliant skiing holiday in La Plagne with Heather, Gary and the two English grandchildren. Everyone skied really well, the accommodation and food were very good, the snow was plentiful and the weather was kind to us.
I was due to have a routine operation to remove a polyp on 23rd January and this is where the learning started!! Apart from having my tonsils out aged 5 and later giving birth to two daughters, I had never been in hospital, and had certainly never undergone an operation. Fortunately I was very fit indeed when I went into hospital and I had prepared myself psychologically by doing lots of positive affirmation and visualisation, accompanied by EFT (tapping) with the support of a friend and colleague from my supervision group. I felt very calm before the surgery and, indeed, it was performed extremely competently. Waking up from the anaesthetic with a very long scar indeed was a terrible shock, however! I think I thought, if I had thought at all, that I would spring lightly from my bed and carry on as normal. Alas, no. The anaesthetic made me feel queasy for days and the stitches were quite painful - it seemed I might fall apart at any moment! Nevertheless, I survived with excellent care from the nursing staff, doctors and consultant at my local hospital, all on the NHS. Brilliant. We so often hear horror stories - I have only praise and admiration for the treatment I received both then and subsequently.
On the sixth day I was released and made my way gingerly home where Roger waited on me hand and foot and many friends came to visit and sent cards. I was quite overcome with everyone's kindness and good wishes. Being an only child, I have found making friends a difficult process all my life. I think I have now learned that friends can come in many guises and different friends will share in different activities in life and relate on different levels. Suddenly I began to feel very privileged and very loved - long may it continue.
I recovered well from the surgery but unfortunately the news from the histology of the polyp was not so good. I was called back quickly to be told that I had in fact had bowel cancer and, although the surgeon was confident everything nasty had been removed, I was advised to undergo a course of chemotherapy. Something in me was not entirely surprised by this news and lots of thoughts are still buzzing around about what I might learn from this experience. Interesting too that the EFT had given me exactly what I had asked for but, much like all the jokes about the fairy and the three wishes, I hadn't asked for exactly the right things. A situation though where it is probably impossible to cover every eventuality.
The idea of being infused with poisonous drugs was anathema to me and my initial reaction was to refuse. However, having thought it over carefully, I decided it would be foolhardy not to have the chemo as an "insurance policy" against cancer returning later just because some miniscule cell had escaped into my system and, once again, my treatment under the NHS was faultless. Everything was explained clearly and support was offered at every stage of the process.
Although I practice self hypnosis, I felt I needed additional support with this and so visited a friend and colleague, Bridget Herbert who is a Reiki Master, hypnotherapist and healer, www.healing-house.co.uk. Bridget works with many different disciplines and her treatment enabled me to clarify my thoughts and to feel calm, comforted and completely healed in many different ways. And I continue to work with the visualisations and positive thoughts she gave me.
I have had my first session of chemotherapy which, whilst not pleasant, was certainly tolerable. It remains to be seen how it progresses, but once again I am practising my tapping daily for a range of positive outcomes. One important thing I have learned is to enjoy today. I have often said to clients, "You cannot change the past and you do not have control over the future. The only real time is now" and, finally, I have begun to practise what I preached and to really enjoy the moment. Having spent a lifetime thinking about what I was going to do next, it has been a hard lesson to learn, but a very worthwhile one.
I continue to see clients and will do, making appointments during the intervening weeks and I feel sure that my experiences will deepen and enhance my work.

2007-12-04T20:57:00.000Z

When I first qualified as a hypnotherapist, I believed I could cure any ill, no matter how deep-seated - in one session. The more I practise and the more clients I see, the more I realise that clients only reveal their issues little by little. I have just seen a client for a driving phobia. Only on the second session did I discover the embedded limiting beliefs about duty and taking inappropriate responsibility for others that were making every car journey a very anxious experience - would some mistake she made cause injury to others? She wasn't worried about herself, only about any problems her actions may cause. And this was a common feature in all aspects of her life. She took care of everyone, but she never took care of herself. Could I have discovered that in one session? Maybe, or maybe I should have just "done the hypnotherapy" and let her subconscious take care of the rest.

I believe it is really important for a client to leave after the first session feeling that something fundamental has changed for them. But the root of the problem.. that could take a little longer. It is generally recognised that 90% of change in any therapy is brought about by the therapeutic relationship - Roger's "unconditional, positive regard" that every client deserves and every therapist, whatever their proclivity, should be able to deliver to each and every client. If you can't provide this, then no change can take place. How can we respond positively to someone we suspect despises or, at the very least, isn't in tune with our view of the world? Of course we can't. To make changes we have to feel respected, heard and valued.

So, every client is a new learning process. Every client is unique and deserves a completely unique approach, tailored specifically to his or her needs. That's what I sincerely try my very best to deliver.

2007-10-26T16:27:00.000+01:00

Just back from a wonderful trip to the US. I was really not looking forward to going, although it would be hard to define why. Long flights, trip on to Seattle, time changes, plane changes - I was feeling I had been a bit over ambitious. But what a worthwhile experience. My daughter in Carolina looks wonderful. It was so lovely to see her happy and full of life. Of course, it's not all plain sailing - bringing up two boys on your own is not an easy option, but she has good friends and good support and is really doing well and has found her own sense of style and self worth. We are all looking forward to seeing her again at Christmas.
My trip to Seattle was also lovely. It's some years since I was there and, despite the weather, I had forgotten what a beautiful city it is. Two solid days of catching up with my best friend was so rewarding, alongside meeting her smashing children and eating good food - not always possible in the US, I find. Visting old haunts, including the wonderful Pike Place Market with its fabulous fruit and veg., not to mention the famous fish trower! Despite a few flight glitches - I wish a fellow passenger hadn't told us they were sticking the wing up with duck tape!! - it was an exceptionally rewarding trip.

2007-10-01T17:05:00.001+01:00

The Practitioner Peer Support Day yesterday went very well. Quality not quantity was the order of the day when seven hypnotherapists met to exchange ideas, learn about "regressing to cause" and instant inductions, celebrate their successes and accept suggestions on how to deal with clients who are complex or "stuck". Despite a lower number of participants than I had anticipated, the day was very enjoyable and very informative. I am planning a third PPSD on Sunday, 27th January 2008 and once again anyone interested in attending can contact me at jose@mindtochange.co.uk. This cost is £25 per person.

2007-09-27T14:03:00.000+01:00

Once again a long time has elapsed since my last posting. I had intended to review some interesting case studies in this blog but have been so busy with clients I've had no time to write about them!

I have seen some exceptionally interesting clients this year, making my work very rewarding. In the summer I had to change my supervisor as my friend of some 10 years retired. I am looking forward to working with my new supervisor, a man this time.

I have established a peer support group for hypnotherists, under the auspices of the General Hypnotherapy Register. The group meets every 4 to 6 weeks and is going well. It is usually attended by about 6 local therapists of varying disciplines, although all are trained in hypnotherapy.

This coming, Sunday, 30th September, I am covening a Practitioner Peer Support Day for the south east area of the country in Woking. I have attended some very interesting days put on by Dominic Beirne in Warwickshire and decided something similar in the south east area would be welcome. Anyone interested in attending either this or subsequent Practitioner Support days, please contact me at jose@mindtochange.co.uk. The next will be later on in January 2008. The days run from 10.30 am to 4 pm. Refreshments are provided throughout the day and there are many places to lunch nearby.

A couple of weeks ago I received my first ever complaint from a client. I was surprised how hurt I felt, particularly as I had worked really hard to help this woman. As is so often the case, the presenting issue was not really the root of the problem. The experience brought, of course, new learning. It reminded me that therapy of any kind is not magic. However skilled the therapist, the client must come with an open mind, a willingness to change and be prepared to work with the therapist to facilitate that change.

2007-01-29T08:17:00.000Z

I have just found a brilliant website, http://kenwarren.com.au, recommended by the General Hypnotherapy Standards Council - www.general-hypnotherapy-register.com. Ken Warren's site is full of interesting and helpful information for therapists setting up in practice and has given me new inspiration and determination to succeed! Havng leafleted a whole estate about losing weight and stopping smoking earlier this month, I was feeling quite despondent at the lack of response. Looking at Ken's material I'm all fired up and full of ideas again! Rome wasn't built in a day, as they say.

Off to put new efforts into getting myself out there. And if you want to lose weight, stop smoking, feel more relaxed or say good bye to depression, then visit my website, www.mindtochange.co.uk or, better still, give me a call.

2007-01-04T09:59:00.000Z

Well here we are at the start of a new year and everyone will have promised themselves they will lose weight, stop smoking and do the one hundred other things they promise themselves they’ll do every year – and a month later will all be out the window!! Unless, of course, they have sought the help and support of a hypnotherapist! www.mindtochange.co.uk

The 2007 Health Bill will completely ban smoking in most public spaces and workplaces and includes outlawing the provision of smoking areas at work. There will be very limited exceptions to the ban, notably private homes, residential care homes, hotel rooms, prisons and hospitals. Employers may provide an outdoor area for smokers but there is no legal obligation on them to do so.

This smoke-free legislation is being introduced because tobacco smoke is now recognised to be the single greatest preventable risk to health. It causes 30% or all cancer deaths, 84% of lung cancer deaths, 17% of deaths from heart disease and 80% of deaths from bronchitis and emphysema. Smoking is responsible for more than 100,000 deaths in Britain each year.

Smoking can also seriously affect business productivity. A smoker may take up to 6 ten minute breaks per day, resulting in the loss of one hour a day or 5 hours in a week. Non smokers may resent the fact that smokers are taking more breaks and begin to take more or longer breaks themselves, thus damaging both productivity and staff morale in a company. Staff who are exposed to smoke, whether they be smokers or non smokers, are likely to be ill more often and may also take longer to recover.

However, the introduction of this anti smoking legislation may be just the incentive some people need to encourage them to give up smoking and hypnotherapy can help.

The majority of smokers start smoking when they are young and before long it becomes an addictive habit. As with any habit, it is difficult to break through willpower alone because it becomes an integral part of who you are. You rely on cigarettes in certain situations or associate them with certain friends or activities. Once this habit is established, it is no longer within conscious control. Non smokers don’t crave or even think about cigarettes because they just are not in their mind set.

Hypnotherapy is designed to take away the desire to smoke. Instead of feeling they are giving up something they enjoy, people feel they are getting rid of something they don’t want – a much more positive idea.

Hypnotherapy has a high success rate with smoking cessation and stopping smoking is one of the most common reasons why people consult a hypnotherapist. Clients are encouraged not to dwell on the negative aspects of smoking, but to aim for positive outcomes such as fitness, freedom, energy and good health!

So, if you want to help yourself, friends or family to stop smoking or, indeed, to stick to other New Year’s resolutions this time round, then contact me by email: jose@mindtochange.co.uk

2006-11-30T17:35:00.000Z

Well, this was an interesting day. I've achieved a lot and had some great new ideas about marketing all of my own. Two promising client sessions as well. My "to do"list is reducing and I'm feeling up beat and positive. My core Process words, Embracing Freedom, seem to be opening up new opportunities for me all the time.
I am wondering what's the best use I could make of this blog? Maybe some hints and tips for coping with every day life would be a good start. I shall think on....
Meanwhile, you might like to follow the link:

www.mindtochange.co.uk

2006-11-21T12:29:00.000Z

Well, that last entry was optimistic! Here we are at 21st November and this is the first whole day I have spent on my new venture! So much for my vision of rising early and going to my office, fired with enthusiasm to start work on my long "to do" list!
Still, the time hasn't been wasted. I've achieved lots of practical, household tasks and also been to visit dear Sas, who's doing well in her new single mum role. Such a relaxing trip, enjoying the beautiful fall colours and getting reacquainted with the grandchildren across the pond. Great to see them so much more relaxed and happy - even the dogs have picked up on the new calm atmosphere!
Now to matters of work - clients are flowing in steadily and I have had two really excellent successes this week, one client with a fear of heights whose session went particularly well. The second a client on his third session of treatment for anxiety and panic attacks who is feeling much calmer and has begun to make some important changes in his life. It is so good to see people responding and finding a new way forward.
Since learning my Core Process - Embracing Freedom (see www.flameinstitute.com) I have found a new confidence in myself and my abilities as a therapist. I have always believed that, with the right approach and support, everyone can reach their own potential and so now I am using my core process to enable others to embrace freedom too.
Now it's back to the "to do" list to knock off a few more tasks before lunch!

2006-10-19T15:58:00.000+01:00

Well, only 7 days to go to 'R' day when I shall finally be free to prioritise my own time and welcome many new clients to my therapy practice. And at last I'll be able to fully realise my Core Process, Embracing Freedom! Exciting times. I can't remember a time in my adult life when I was free to organise my life just as I wished. Always the constraints and demands of work and children. I know there will still be commitments and deadlines and discipline if I am to succeed - but they will, I hope be under my control - no longer dancing to the tune of others.
Watch this space.

2006-10-09T18:22:00.000+01:00

Well, they say you shouldn't go back and we certainly should not have gone back to the Blue Lake. The last time we were there (which we now realise was about 16 years ago – how time flies when you're having fun) the evening sun shone warmly down on us as we sipped our aperos on the terrace overlooking the lake. As we ate an exquisite meal, the sun was replaced by a full moon. We were served wine by a charming young man training to be a sommelier, who was mortified when the cork broke in half as he withdrew it from the bottle. Ah, what a wonderful evening. No wonder we were tempted to return and relive this idyllic scene. We envisaged reclining in the sun beside the lake and even took our swimming cosies ready for a refreshing dip.

Alas, in the interim so much had changed. We sploshed down the long drive through deep puddles as the rain poured down. Our little Sprite, now 40 years old and not used to being out in wet weather, leaked through every orifice. Water in the foot wells lapped over our feet as we struggled out and dashed with our bags across the waterlogged terrace, occasionally slapped around the head by dripping trees. We were shown to our room, where the sound of a constant stream of water escaping from a hole in the guttering on the nearby outhouse drowned out the sound of the pouring rain. Never mind, we were looking forward to a wonderful meal. Had we but known!

Dinner was served at 7.30 and there was no way a drop of drink or meagre crust would pass our lips before that time. We could see the proprietor, clad in his apron, petting the three resident dogs in the kitchen, as he began preparing the meal. The proprietress moved at a pace slower than that of a snail, except when she spent a happy ten minutes ignoring all the other diners whilst she chatted animatedly to some old friends already seated. Eventually she brought the menu and an aperitif, accompanied by some very old and stale cocktail biscuits and peanuts of the same era.

Eagerly we opened the menu, only to find that it was not only very expensive by French standards but seemed to consist entirely of duck in every form imaginable – and some which are not! Roast duck, smoked duck, fois gras of duck, ducks' gizzards – what ever can be done to a duck, they'd done it! (We immediately resolved to eat elsewhere the following evening.) We struggled through our disappointing duck in semi darkness as they were clearly economising on lighting and rain continued to pour down outside. Breakfast was also served in darkness – obviously lighting was not permitted between the hours of dawn and dusk!

This paragraph should, of course, open with the words: “The following day dawned bright and clear.” Sadly it did not – the rain continued to rain non stop. Fortunately it takes a lot more than rain and duck to dampen our spirits but next time we're tempted to revisit romantic old haunts, someone please remind us to resist the temptation and try somewhere new!

2006-09-11T11:06:00.000+01:00

What a super weekend, and completely unexpected as I wasn't looking forward to it at all. Very relaxing and achieved everything I wanted to. It was good to see the dentist so calm and so much happier than earlier in the year. Also to spend time with JS and have the courage to be honest with her about her situation. I am wondering whether it is worth writing to reinforce that only she can help herself. The NHS could provide the best service in the world, RMS could nag her or help her every day, but she is the only one who can bring about improvements in her health. No-one can do the exercises for her - it's her muscles that need to strengthen and develop and only she is the only one who can do that for herself. At least she recognises that something needs to be done now and maybe her visit to someone in similar cirucumstances will spur her on.
It was a beautiful day yesterday too and the garden looks good, especially the back which is developing into an attractive area at last. All in all a very successful three days.

2006-09-06T20:32:00.000+01:00

Super evening with H, G and grandies yesterday. What a smashing family. So pleased to have permission to take No. 1 skiing in Jan. He really excelled this year. Hope we will be joined by a parent - which one is up to them to decide.
One thing missing from the summer is our usual boat trip, not that it would have been easy to fit one in. TTB took the Sword down to Spain - his last big trip, he says, and hopefully had a good time. We have had good fun together over the years, but somehow the Midget episode has soured it all a little. Still, life moves on and things change - that's how it is. If we resist change or try to remain still, we'll just suffocate.

2006-09-01T18:19:00.000+01:00

Again it's a while since I added my thoughts here. September today and the summer is almost over - a good one though with many sunny days in France with friends and super grandchildren. Happy memories of amazing sandcastles, oysters and white wine and, earlier on, learning to tolerate the excentricities of friends without spoiling a holiday. Also not quite knowing whether to be flattered or annoyed that my very ex ex has trawled through my sites and clearly committed the content to memory - strange chap!
But now it's time to look forward to embracing the freedom to focus on growing my successful therapy practice to its full potential.... and helping my clients to realise their full potential too. I'm looking forward to learning and training opportunities and to providing appropriate, individual, solution focused therapy in a tranquil environment.

2006-07-15T09:10:00.000+01:00

What a change for the better since learning my core process words, Embracing Freedom. I have made some conscious changes and other things are happening - all positive. Reviewing posts from earlier this year, how different I feel now. Client numbers have increased dramatically, I finally feel in control of my destiny and am looking forward to exploring lots of new ventures in the future, now that I am free of my limiting, draining employment. Onwards and upwards - where to next, I wonder!

2006-03-25T15:10:00.000Z

Mindweaver's Musings
Feeling really low today about disagreement with Heath. Not inclined to call her or think about a birthday card or present. I guess it will heal in time. I feel really let down at the moment though. And my finger hurts - that'll teach me to act like a teenager!

2006-03-22T18:11:00.000Z

Mindweaver's Musings
Returned from a fantastic skiing holiday, restored by fresh new snow and brilliant sunshine. Great tributes from all participants, except my darling daughter who wanted more of me. Kids - we never get it right! Ah well, move on, I suppose and don't allow the great memories of super skiing and company be spoiled by one person's negative feedback.
Good news that I can offer a client with PTSD 5 sessions through her insurance company. I am looking foward to working with this young girl and helping her regain her confidence and equilibrium.
Working on my flyer offering free taster sessions of life coaching and hypnotherapy. No so sure about the hypnotherapy, as one session is often enough to effect a dramatic change. Also planning to publish info. about the coaching evaluation project - more of that later.

2006-03-09T16:50:00.000Z

Sharing my thoughts and ideas with the world out there. A week of new experiences - first Skype, now a blog. Where will it all end?
More later .........